Emmanual, He is with us.

 

“we will not forget”—Desperation band.

 

I guess, when mistakes happens, all you need to do is just trust in God in mending mistakes that you have made.

Today, I give glory to God. because without Him, I wouldn’t have been back here.

 

I was reading back my blog post in the plane, while setting my mind straight on the things that had happened in just 20 minutes time.

Now I know why they said “Time is Gold, and life is so unpredictable, and Life is not LIFE if you don’t take risk!”

 

hahaha.

 

totally different, stupid, dumb idea.

 

anyhow, today’s sequence of events has left me feeling guilty. sigh.

Honestly, I am truly, truly guilty of what has happened.

 

No doubt, a good experience, but……. its eating my soul out.

 

These few days has been a blessing, and i still have the feeling of leaving Tawau. Don’t really know why, but sometimes, it’s the damn feeling which I cannot describe.

Sometimes, I just wished that I disappeared like that. DUSH. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing, but… it still need to happen?

No idea, sometimes I feel like I will be thrown off. After What my slutty sister have told me, I think I will be thrown away.

well, think about it, I don’t mind starting a new life with slutty sister though. woohoo! but the thought of leaving lost sister is just as sad as…….THAT.

I guess, I have been building my life around her. that’s why this creates the all emotion thing. mmm….. Come to think about it, lots has happened for the past one year, I am pretty much contented. I am closer to God, further from people, and I know what I want in Life.

 

God has sent me to SAbah, for my parents to accept me as a Christian, and what more can I expect?

 

God’s plan is perfect, just like JEremiah 29:11. Somehow, this verse keeps appearing to me.

 

Me, will not give up. For I knw, wherever that I am being sent, its God’s plan, god’s grace, God’s glory.

So, I can only commit my life to Him.

 

Reading back my post, I think I was quite a jovial person in nature. yes, WAS. now, I think I sounded more depressed than ever. Gosh.

 

The past few days.. will be a memory that I will cherish. Miri-Brunei-Bintulu.

guess the most important is memories, well, sometimes I do feel abandoned, but… I’m used to it. HAHAHAH!

 

Now, TAWAU! Let me enjoy you for the last few weeks!!!! *just in case I have to leave*

 

Joshua, Sher,… I miss you both so much.

 

T_T

 

COunting days to go back KL.

To Him be the Glory.

 

the previous post, is sort of like a prophecy of what happened after that.

 

Its been long since I wrote a poem. I thank God my idea came back, and the poem is for Him.

 

Emmanual,Shalom, agape.

 

thank you for the Rhema words.

As if all is well planned

As if all is well planned.

Obstacles appeared, my faith is challenged.

He seems so far away, but he said 'I am near'

He emphasized 'You can't see me, doesn't mean I am not there'

'Trust in me with all your heart' He says.

In the plane, and flashbacks are everywhere.

I could not believe that things that has happened, and it just did.

Still couldn't recall and understand 'why all this!?!'

My faith is challenged, and my trust shakes.

He is faithful, and he always does.

Knowing that I am despair, and lose my sight and trust,

He keeps reminding me 'I am not seen but I am here'

He tells me that He is near, near and glorious.

Victory is the one I have gained?

With all the money spent, but lives saved?

These are the things that I can't understand.

What logic behind all these insane events?!

'For god so love the world', I must believe.

He loves me, and I do too.

Let this be a lesson learnt in life,

Let this too be His glory that shines in my life.

My faith is never the same.

Putting puzzles together with all the wrong things,

Hunger for His love, and his plan reigns.

Let his glory shines all over this place.

What can I say? His love never fails.

the truth.?

 

This post… is inspired by Ganesh… again.. no, its not him actually, its actually by the song  <I dreamed a dream>

 

Got a super sad news today. well, I have no freaking idea why I call it <sad>. Maybe because it’s the unwillingness to say goodbye to sister, and tawau.

because currently I feel unappreciated, and an excruciating feeling of heartache. At the same time, I am feeling glad that I had a high chance to leave this place.

cries are just for a few moments. I can endure.

Just wanna describe the feeling of feeling unappreciated. it doesn’t feel good. I guess, besides people saying.. “kesian Dellynn….” nothing else they could say or do.

 

I take note of this post, because if things are not the way I think it will end up as, I will remember why people don’t appreciate my presence, at work.

 

so, currently, negativity rules over my feelings. mmm…. not a good time to talk, not a good time to express my feelings, because its all tempted by evil.

 

I feel like crying after talking to ganesh. well, he never fails to make me see things from the other way round. He is sometimes full of nonsense, but I like the way he is.

 

I like the way he said to one of the ppf….. “orang yang baik baik kamu tendang, orang yang tidak baik dan ada masalah kamu simpan…”

 

lol. HE is trying to protect his view! haha. I love it!

 

Right now.. yes, right now, I feel very….. heart ache la. pain in the inside, but there’s no one that can understand me.

talk to her? well.. she is the subject in this matter, and I am trying to make things sounded as positive as it is. mmm…. who knows the pain behind the smiles? and behind “its ok… no worries, just start a new only bah…. God will have greater plans for me!”

 

yeah, no one know what the small fragile heart is going through.

Speak out? nah….. there are things that we better swallow it ourselves rather than to say it out and share. why burden people with unwanted rubbish?

 

listening to <I dreamed a dream> is just so depressing. hahaha. Susan Boyle, u did it. =)

 

“darling, you need to let go…. u knw, its not forever….. someday, someone’s gotto go.”

 

yeah, I was being naïve… thinking that staying for people’s sake is very GRAND, EGOISTIC. haha. end up, I challenged God’s decision.  “Its either here or elsewhere.”

 

As for me and my house, I will live according to His plans, His will.

 

Actually I thought of writing my last words during my “so called” last few weeks in tAwau.

 

Ganesh is right, there is a reason why we were never being given any responsibility. HAHAHA.

 

wanna know the truth?

 

Actually, in the beginning of the log book submission, I felt the same way. knowing that I am not gonna stay, or be retained because I leave a “good” name behind.

 

aiya… parts and parcel of life. that’s why I have been numbing myself with the possibilities of me not staying, though the only persons in the house that I will miss are them. both of them.

 

I still feel like crying.. flashing the moment that I have to leave. but chatting with Ganesh made leaving easier… he just dissected sabah and the people and friends who are there, which made leaving easier. HAHAHA.

 

 

tmr is a brand new day. lets start it brand new.)

 

 

So, there goes Susan Boyle’s . Lovely song.

 

 

I dreamed a dream……

 

God will maneuver my life.

September ends.

September is ending is a few hours time. So, flashing back, what have we done for the past one month? Past year? where we sing the same song 'wake me up when September ends' last year?

As for me, it's fruitful. I have gained blood, sweat, and tears. Owh well... Yeah. 

Past year has been a blessing. 

Getting closer to God, people, values life, and gaining maturity and wisdom.

Mmm.... Somehow I still wonder what will happen of I was not being sent to Sabah. What will happen when god retind me in peninsula?

Chatted with Yin yesterday regarding homosexual matter, she asks 'dear girl, u don't miss church? Us? And your cg mates? When are u coming back for good!??'

Me answered without hesitation...'jie, I am meant for greater things here....I know^^'

It was a fruitful chat. I missed talking to her .

Listening to my heart while listening to 'wake me up when September ends'

Where will I be next September? It's an unknown.

Sometimes I hope life is just a dream, let it be a vague one, so that memories won't be that clear, and people don't hold on to each other, BUT! That doesn't happen in reality.

God has blessed me with talents. Gifts. Love. Spiritual eyes.

I am sinful, did lots of sinful things these few weeks. Sigh......

If I could turn back time, I would have did something else, instead of doing what I did.

September ending soon, my last day of September were spent with patients and sister. 

I guess she has done things which I don't know that she will do. Hehe. Eee..... At least in the whole wide world, besides my pumpkin, my pamelo, my sor por and A LO. I know she cares.

How do I carry on without her presence?

*moody*

I have a few testimonies to share, but am too sleepy to type. So, I will type it when I am free. I still owe sorpor a phone call. Haha.

It's 11pm. Ending soon, welcome October!:) it will be great!

And I am not ready to leave...,.

Blessed night.

Blessed

No one will understand how much I love this junk except for someone. 

It makes me feel loved.;)

Time lies, flashing back the days when I first step into tawau, with sister, met Ganesh in htwu. ^^

If I had the ability to freeze the time, I would freeze it now...at this moment...

Yes, this moment.

我将会很想念的背后，背影。

Living with these two sisters of mine has taught me to be a better person.  

What will tmr brings? Where will tmr leads me to?

I don't know.

But i know, I love this girl, this sister very very much. She has taught me lots of lesson, 'letting go' is one of it.;)

Where will we be? 

God, u know well and your plan is always great. I know I am in Your safe hands.:)

Just gonna live everyday to the fullest, loving those around me, with God's grace. 

And.... Fulfilling god's vision. Yes, lots of visions.... Haha.

Hebrews 3:15-17

Thank you lord for a great year!;)

Touched, pressed, loved.

今天，她哭了。感动得哭了。

This day is a special day where all the confessions happened. 

God is working miraculously in my life and I am so amazed how He reconcile and solve 'stuff' between us. 

Sigh....

Sometimes I don't understand why am I made this way, but I guess god has a perfect draft on personality on each one of us. So, it's god's gift that I am made this way.

I still cry out to Him so that He reigns in everything I do. 

What I cried out. And know what? God always has His own timing for everything. Just like last night.

^^

Maybe my days in Tawau are gonna end soon. I would not know, but I am definite that I treasure the people here.;)

Thanks you Lord Jesus for your great love.

I will keep on loving people and show Christ -likeness in me.

The light.

There are things that better be avoided, better not to feel it, and better not to think about it.

Makes life more comfortable and less burden....,,,

Follow the light? Yes, serve with joy and peace.

Who's the light? We are the light and salt.

God is the way.