This post… is inspired by Ganesh… again.. no, its not him actually, its actually by the song <I dreamed a dream>
Got a super sad news today. well, I have no freaking idea why I call it <sad>. Maybe because it’s the unwillingness to say goodbye to sister, and tawau.
because currently I feel unappreciated, and an excruciating feeling of heartache. At the same time, I am feeling glad that I had a high chance to leave this place.
cries are just for a few moments. I can endure.
Just wanna describe the feeling of feeling unappreciated. it doesn’t feel good. I guess, besides people saying.. “kesian Dellynn….” nothing else they could say or do.
I take note of this post, because if things are not the way I think it will end up as, I will remember why people don’t appreciate my presence, at work.
so, currently, negativity rules over my feelings. mmm…. not a good time to talk, not a good time to express my feelings, because its all tempted by evil.
I feel like crying after talking to ganesh. well, he never fails to make me see things from the other way round. He is sometimes full of nonsense, but I like the way he is.
I like the way he said to one of the ppf….. “orang yang baik baik kamu tendang, orang yang tidak baik dan ada masalah kamu simpan…”
lol. HE is trying to protect his view! haha. I love it!
Right now.. yes, right now, I feel very….. heart ache la. pain in the inside, but there’s no one that can understand me.
talk to her? well.. she is the subject in this matter, and I am trying to make things sounded as positive as it is. mmm…. who knows the pain behind the smiles? and behind “its ok… no worries, just start a new only bah…. God will have greater plans for me!”
yeah, no one know what the small fragile heart is going through.
Speak out? nah….. there are things that we better swallow it ourselves rather than to say it out and share. why burden people with unwanted rubbish?
listening to <I dreamed a dream> is just so depressing. hahaha. Susan Boyle, u did it. =)
“darling, you need to let go…. u knw, its not forever….. someday, someone’s gotto go.”
yeah, I was being naïve… thinking that staying for people’s sake is very GRAND, EGOISTIC. haha. end up, I challenged God’s decision. “Its either here or elsewhere.”
As for me and my house, I will live according to His plans, His will.
Actually I thought of writing my last words during my “so called” last few weeks in tAwau.
Ganesh is right, there is a reason why we were never being given any responsibility. HAHAHA.
wanna know the truth?
Actually, in the beginning of the log book submission, I felt the same way. knowing that I am not gonna stay, or be retained because I leave a “good” name behind.
aiya… parts and parcel of life. that’s why I have been numbing myself with the possibilities of me not staying, though the only persons in the house that I will miss are them. both of them.
I still feel like crying.. flashing the moment that I have to leave. but chatting with Ganesh made leaving easier… he just dissected sabah and the people and friends who are there, which made leaving easier. HAHAHA.
tmr is a brand new day. lets start it brand new.)
I dreamed a dream……
God will maneuver my life.
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