My PiGGiE is growing!!!

Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last blog of the year. *excited*


EXCITED!


why?


Because....

I finally found light in treating myself a meal which i have never done before! ok, with some help from Aunty Jane and some research from my best friend, google!
I can't wait to go back for dinner. seriously!!!

This year, I plan to pamper myself!


ok, lets keep it as a mystery for what am i gonna prepare. haha. I have confident that it's gonna turn out good! woohoo!

Its gonna be a binging night. ALONE! i can't wait to spend some quiet and quality time alone at home, embracing with my meal and my passion towards cooking.

Its time to try new stuff. hehe...


TMR.... a day to pamper myself as well!  haha...

I'm so tired, i think i am deprive of sleep.. and i have a feeling that i need to go through a detox session next week. ^^


This weekend will be a hiatus for me, celebrating the start of my first weekend here. I think, its time to sit still, and observe, and to listen to the Voice within, quietly.


I have even thought of the first meal of 2014 that i'm gonna have tmr! hahaha!



*listening to Westlife, the exact same album makes me think of my last trip to Miri, how fast things can change within a few months.... and its for my own good. So far, i have no regrets for things that i have went through and the things that i have done, because... i am a person who never regrets on decision i made. thats me*

In the coming new year, i don't wish to change any good thing i have, but to improve myself, get less attached emotionally to people, live my own life according to my standards, get rid of the bad things and habits i have, be not cold and defensive to people, don't harden my heart further, and learn to love my enemies.
and... a breakthrough in my travelling life. ^^ as well as in the walk of Christ. =)

The rest of the ships which are temporary and never lasting, stay away. BEcause, i can't stand another heart break! HAHHAA. (yeah, u should open up my heart and see how wounded it is)


NEW YEAR 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm letting Go........ ^^

Monday, December 30, 2013

Urgh...please!

Please... Dinner? Together? Thanks but no thanks.

I would rather die at home alone, die of good food, die of liquor..than meeting the thorn of my eye. Urgh... I feel so nauseated thinking about it.

Tmr... I feel like ditching the plan to FIRE. Lol. But I know I need to go.  Haha. New Year with a bunch of crazie people. LOL.

I can't wait for next month.:) haha... Seriously, next month!!!!^^


Today, I feel joy, firstly, objective achieved. Cleaned the house alone and cooked! It's exactly the meal that I crave for!^^ simple but satisfying, I cooked it with love. 

In life, we have to think for ourselves first. Because that's the only way you won't get hurt.  I have been thinking about others too much, overly done, and now,,, I realized that I am happier when I start to think about myself.  Put myself before others. Do what I wanna do, say no to whatever that I don't like, say yea to whatever that I wanna do. This is awesome. 
Following my heart^^ (thanks Rabia me Sher for this precious advise)

Don't blame me for my coldness, you earned this. Don't blame me for my stone heart, it can't be revert now... Only God can melt it.

Faced some problem at work, but through experience and days where god has blessed me with ability to stand firm on my own ground. 
I realize myself to be more firm than before, I dare to offer, I dare to say no, I dare to negotiate, I dare to NOT give in.

Thank you heartbreaks for all this! Seriously!:)

Tmr...will be a greater day.:) 

Mmm..... Shopping will be done tmr!:) guess I'm gonna reward myself on food tmr.:)

This year no glutinous rice ball for Winter Solstice, but... I have my own pampering recipe this year!:) gonna be back early to shop!^^

Good night! 
*enough booze of CSI->Binge!*

Time for books now!^^

random writes.

What does it sounds like, when you sing heaven's song?



I'm occupying myself with trips, and trips.

this weekend will be hiatus for me till i fly off again on 17.=)

Got that Chrsitmas note from hc, mmm.. can say that i am ignoring? or still finding myself to come back at the right distance.

I am glad i met Rabia... and i am glad i made effort to meet people, it really fills my soul up. because i gain insights with different people. There are days i wanna spend it alone as well, just like silent treatment for myself. Yeah, i dont feel like talking if i do feel so. but i hardly fall into this kind of mode. haha...

For the past few weeks, meeting people has been part of my life.  From new friends, new bosses, different races, different places to bondings + friendships.
Wow,,,, i really thank god for the days that i spent with them!

Just done with paper works, urgh.. never liked it. but i'm glad that i learn stuff!=)

Its raining cats and dogs here, and my mind is running wild with mum's cooking. yes, i didnt pack lunch for myself today. Anyway, thinking of rewarding myself tonight with my crave. I am craving for korean food. but sadly, no korean food here. Mmm... there is one place though! haha. its time to go back there again after so many months. =)

I'm feeling good these days, in the mood of resting, and cleaning my house. Yes, tonight's the night la. ^^ gonna clean and cook some food for myself because i reckon that i will wanna stay home and watch movies after cleaning the house. ^^


I'm so sleepy... heavy rain, and cold weather.


I miss cooking.. i mean home cooked food. lots of times where i am so tempted to just cook Maggie but i know i cannot break my JUNK RULE. no junk for me.  =)

Today is kind of busy for me, what about you?


I'm taking Yuki to another level...
Next month, if the time overlaps, i'm gonna perform in Semporna for fund raising. hahaha! *big dream*


Friday, December 20, 2013

Process...

A year plus in tawau.

It's gonna be the festive season again.

Not excluded, this year I'm spending it alone, with my house. Hahahaha.
Pathetic? No? Yes?
I don't know. But I kinda enjoyed it.:)

No strings attached. 
This house is just a house to sleep. No more chattings, no more fellowships.

Things will change!? I have no freaking idea.

I have not packed my stuff for tmr. I'm going away. Can't stand anymore, but I need to go find peace.
As a solo traveller, I'm bringing my daughter and HIM with me this time.

I thank god for everything that has happened. Without all these, I can't find myself, I can't find back my passion.

As much as others are obsessed with their life, and their partner, I'm obsessed with my own life as well.

I'm living young and free. Yeah, free. 

My mind is still replaying the broken Christmas promise of her to me, and I need to know from others that she is off to sdk for Christmas, left me here thinking 'what happened to our Christmas?'
It's just too heartbroken to rethink it again and again, anyway, this Christmas will be a special one for me!!!:) I know.

Currently, I'm too lazy to speak, I'm too tired to talk. I will rather indulge in my own life.

Whatever it is, like I mention.. Demoting process on!

I still wash my face with tears every morning while I drive to work, I am still hurtful and sad. BUT! I am now tougher, in me.

Just booked flights, I'm leaving off as often as I could, I don't wanna spend another day or weekend here mourning, gilak. I can go crazy.

I'm gonna spend time as much with those who really worth my time. 

For me, there is no more dinner dates from her, no more dates. Haha. Well, it's good that she has someone else to take care of her.*trying to be positive though that guy is a jerk in other's eyes* nevertheless, none of my business! Yippee!

I don't reject, I don't accept. I will just stand in neutral ground.

Damn... Hungry. Movie was awesome just now.^^


I really miss Tim, Linda, Sher.... I love them so so so much. My dear brother and sisters. Ahh... How I miss 2012 with them...

Just star gazed and I was so happy! Splendid view!;) 

I'm so hungry.... And... Practically no one actually care whether have I eaten d onot. Like I said, life changed.
I'm off responsibilities, and off alone. Maybe better off alone also.:)

I can't wait for days to come!

^^ 

Good night people.:) gonna feed my hungry stomach.

The Voice finale is awesome!!!!

God, i thank you for all the pain and sorrows, that I see light now. Without all these, I won't soar and live for You. Please take care of sister hc as I am not  gonna be there for her all the time now, but lord I promise you that I will still be there if she calls, and love her my own way. 
Pray for me that I will hear you more often. Thank you for your words this morning whole I cry in the car, lord you are always comforting.
Pray for direction for me, Tim, Linda, and sher. We all need guidance from you. Open our eyes to see and to know that you hear us and lead us! Open doors for us if that is the path you want us to go.
Pray for those in my thoughts, that you will love them and guide them in their daily life. May you bless them with wisdom in their respective field.^^
Forgive the sins that I have done. I am still sinning everyday, lord, teach me how to be more like you. Break the wall in me, melt my heart to learn how to love again. Shield and strengthen my heart from all evil attacks.

Lord, I love you. Thank you for everything, I bless you lord.^^

Amen.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Demoting phase.

At this point of life, I am on my own now. Don't wanna give any damn on whatever that is happening. Guess I'm just gonna live my life la.

Went to KK last weekend, fruitful one, I found my love... I finally realized how a friendship love can be. Shereen never left me even though she is attached. Ahh.... That means a lot to me. She has been a victim and I am now a victim. 
I appreciate her hugs, her love, and her chats. Seriously. 

I prove her wrong that I have changed. Hahaha.

Currently in a demoting process. She made me realized, since I have even hurt for so many months, might as well demote the rank. 
Yes, I am demoting her. 
Will not care more, just be normal. 

Christmas is around the corner, any plans?

Well, as for me... My Christmas promise has been broken harshly, and I'm gonna spend it with.. Me myself and I.

Sometimes I wonder, why promises can be so rubbish full. Why keep promise if one cannot keep or remember it. Bullshit.
I am still hurtful la. But I'm not gonna morn bout it d.

It's time to do what I want.

I can't wait to do the things that I want:) -^^


I feel very bodoh. Even thought of moving out or invite someone in.
And now, I realized, I have been staying on my own since dunno when, just gonna continue la. 
She is not my daughter, or whatsoever. Why let it affect me le? 
Thanks to the promises broken, I feel so broken.
Lost expectations, lost hope on people.


Went to Skyline last week. His presence is so strong till I teared relentlessly. 
I miss church with sher... 

Good to meet steph, grace, and sher together!:)


This week, another journey starts.

I can't wait.:)

Shereen showed me how blessed I am to have accompany... Because she Is always doing her own thing hahaha. So, now onwards, I'm gonna just do my own things.

If this is what it takes to forget broken promises and hurtful heart unintentionally caused by unintentional act and words, I will embrace it. Embrace finding peace every week. :)


If I have a last word I wanna say before I totally close this phase, I would say...
'Please learn how to handle friendship and relationship well, because you are too obsessed with relationship, and you didn't know how hurtful it is to those around.'

Like sher said 'do your own thing.' 


 I miss home. *teary eye* 

Last tear shed was last Friday, and it's the last I'm gonna shed tears for this stupid thing.

Demoting process ON!:)