I’m leaving.. on a dragged plane..

I’m leaving my day with a dark eye bag, “come from no where” double eye lid, big mouth (cuz keep yawning), and a tired soul.

3.30am.

Mmm… silent night, lonely night.

 

Well, Time flies.. seriously.

 

this blog post..

wanted to dedicate to my CUte Cute!! JenWIn.

He is one of my cute friends!!! of course, he is cute because of his appearance, his height (ooops) and.. his personality… which is covered with a Huge, funny, Jovial smile!!! “covered”? yes, it’s COVERED!

Dear Cute Cute,

Dun be discouraged. No life is perfect without failures, No life is perfect without obstacles. We, do not bow to barriers, do not bow to obstacles, do not bow to our weakness.. but we Stand UP and break the walls in front of us.

No matter how tough is the road, we can never be defeated by one of the obstacles. Remember, this life of us is not even a start. =)

Exam is coming, I hope you will give in your best shot!!!

When you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.=) Perseverance in what you are having, and what you are going through. of course, preserve every good, memorable moments of yours.

Study is just a part of life.. Education is just a small chapter in our life. So, LIVE IT! dun LIVE UNDER IT.

regards:

KuEn.

 

Well, All of us are stressed. Failed quizzes, cryings, condemings… fear… etc…!

you cannot imagine how many feelings are embedded in me during every finals, and all sort of feelings, have been staying in me till now. but… Life goes on.

I’ve really learnt one thing, to do my best without any regrets is the most important thing in life. cuz… no one to be blamed, and no one can blame you.

i think i’ve been writing this since dunno when… LOL!=)

haha!! anyway, My dear friends who are having exams now and soon… guys, all the best!!

I sincerely pray for all your success in your exam.=) try your best!!! No Regrets!!

 

Mmm… why can’t i get bored of IL Divo? I’ve been playing the same song for ONE WEEK, 12hours a day!!!! sigh…. haha!!!!

 

Time to sleep. DAy out now… DAy in will be a new day! =)

P.S : DarLeng… I want Lekor… sob sob… LEKOR… LEKOR!!!! and Sata! haha!

TAke me away… to safer place.

DAy in DAy out….

I’ve sat on the chair from 12pm to 2am. SEE? 12 PM to 2 AM!!!

yet, i feel more energetic and enthusiastic as time passed by… till 2am… i really cannot stand the sleepiness and.. plan to online and blog my heart out.

I’ve been sleeping quite late everyday… I knw, I’m killing myself and my liver softly.. but, i have to do this. My situation doesn allow me to sleep early..

my midnight 11-12am.. will be spent studying plus sms my DArLeng. Apparently, he is more GANG HO than me.. he sleeps at 4am almost everyday, and wakes up at 730am. EVERYDAY!!!

so, msg-ing him keep me and him awake. Both of us will talk rubbish in msg.. haha!!

I’m tired. REally tired. I’m still hanging on. Give me support will ya? Support and prayers are all i need the most now.

My progress today is good, cuz i’ve make use of all my time wisely, and kinda productive.:-)

It is sad to spend my days on a table, sitting on a chair for more than 10 hours a day. Well, this is once in a lifetime, i appreciate it!! :-) Erm, becoming a Potato… Sweet Potato. LOL!!!

 

Believe it or not, this feeling of stress is so much better than the stress for my commitments. haha!! I’m a weirdo, yes. I’m weird.

 

“Take me away, to secret place, take me away, take me away!!!!”

Someone please take me away!?!? I salute you if you can do that, cuz now.. it seems impossible. LOL.

Study.. study…

Skipped most of the lunches and dinners…unhealthy eh? trust me, i dun feel hungry when i’m concentrating on something. It is when i’m doing other things which will make me feel the hunger… (NOW).

Hunger conquers, but my mind conquers more than my hunger. Thought of getting extra pounds if i munch at this time kills my appetite. =)

 

This song keeps me moving…

When you believe- MAriah CArey and Whitney Houston

Its really a motivating song when i’m studying.

came to knw this song again after re-watching Prince of Egypt. This CArtoon is the best i’ve ever watched. It touches me everytime i watched it. Indirectly, it gives me faith for what i’m believing.. It’s a story with lots of Moral Values. Guys, you guys should watch it sometime. :-)

 

Another song is I BELIEVE IN YOU, by IL DIVO and Celine Dion.

another clearer version than the previous one.:-)

these 2 songs are the only song i listen this week. haha!!! I seriously love it!!! =)

It’s DAY OUT now.. I’m waiting for another DAY IN which will come in a few more hours. =) Means, I’ll sit for another… XX hours? haha!

 

Okay, that’s all for now. Gotta click on STAR ONLINE to read some news.. Just to update myself… =)

 

“Last day” is over. Great days ahead!! Enjoy!!!

Knw what? I miss SAtay now…. dunno why, out of a sudden.haha!! and… Cheese Baked Rice. muahahaha!!!!

 

Good night everyone.

Good day!

4 in the morning..

Aww… it is so torturing that i only get to log into Facebook in the Morning, 3am. Yeah, i was studying whole day, till 3am.. almost everyday the same routine.

Anyhow, FB not tht crowded in the midnight ( morning) haha!

I’ve been changing my study environment since last week. Mmm…. I hvn try studying in my toilet.haha!!

However, fear still conquers. and i will conquer my fear!

 

Heard “Listen”, covered by a korean singer. Gosh, it is so good!! i mean he is so damn good and sang the whole song at the original key which Beyonce sang!!!

can u imagine?

haha!

 

Well, muah? Clearly show that i am being myself more knowing that i wont be having any activities on NOV.

hehe… at least, no night mares. tht’s the best part! cheer for me yeah!!!

 

Owh, one more thing about me. My back pain getting worse.. i cannot sit for too long now.. anyhow, ibuprofen saved my day.. for today!!

I guess my back’s nerve is injured, and i am going to see a doctor soon… cuz it;s worrying.. I am worried. Cuz i almost feel the feeling of being  “Paralyzed” with my back condition now… it affects my nerve behind my upper thigh.. and it doesnt feel good.

Gotto sleep now.. it’s almost 4am. Sign off Fb, sleep. cuz need to go Uni in the morning… hehe…

Guys, all the best to those who will be sitting for finals!!

God bless all of you!! Try your best! :-)

P.S : I believe I believe I believe in you…….

 

can you believe that i’m actually in love with IL Divo now?? a bunch of sopranos whom i used to dislike?? I guess, this is call EVOLUTION. I mean, i’m getting old. hahaha!!!

Adam Lambert- Time for miracles

                     

I’m so going to watch 2012!! for Adam LAmbert’s sake!!!

He is still the best Rocker that strikes my heart!!!!

He is handsome!! COOL! and Gorgeous!!!! (forget about the GAY part yeah!! haha!)

Gosh, how i wish i could just grab him and hug him and have him singing all night beside me….

muahahaha!!!

 

Here is the Lyrics!!!

Time For Miracles

Adam Lambert

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't be thinking of your smile
Every kiss you can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying
Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us
I just want to be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes
The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying
Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know thatMaybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us
Baby can you feel it(feel it)
You know I can hear it(hear it)
So can you feel it feel it....
You know it's time....
Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know I ain't giving up on us
You know I ain't giving up on
Oh I ain't giving up on us

P.S : DArLeng knows i love him, he shared!! haha!!

P.S.S: Perhaps, it’s time for miracle to come to me……

Great sleep.

                     

What About Now? What about today?

Mark Feehily is still the best singer.. Westlife is still the BEst Boyband in my life. Let them be known as Westlife rather than an Irish Boyband. Cuz they are not BOYs anymore… :-)

 

“To God I laid all my worries..”

I had a great sleep yesterday.. at least without nightmares.

I’m coming back. Back to who i used to be…..

To Yen: Thanks for the precious advice.

ARGHHHHHH!!!

Better?
after my previous "bomb blog"?

Argh... Let me tell you something, it is not getting better...

I received her msg today.. :Yes, The one who is always above me but doesnt look like she is above me.

I was worrying while i'm taking my bath, and thinking about all the things that made me almost collapse. I had phobia receiving HER MSG. it makes me think of... "Gosh, have i done something wrong in LC again?"

I was like an ant, jumping on the hot pot!!!! worried like SHIT! but i think there's nothing wrong i did, i guess?? *hopefully*
true enuf... it was Her msg... of course, no mood drives me to put smileys in the msg. or even a HAHA.
Mmm, if my msg consists of both or either one, i mean it.

Sigh....
Probably it is a right decision to QUIT everything on NOVEMBER. I realized this morning that i couldnt take it anymore. CAn you imagine the stress is so strong that i can have BAD DREAMS during my SHORT NAP at 11am?
This is seriously an Invisible pressure,which i TOTALLY DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of it.... I wish i could stop everything, Quit everything, and just lie and sleep peacefully... I miss my peaceful sleeps.
miss it lots.

Study stress contributes to my SUPER MOOD SWING.

U knw how USELESS i feel? I do not feel it so strong before...
I failed in my teaching, I failed in my work.
and i will make sure that i wont fail in my STUDY!

Pray for me, will ya?? 3rd to 13th...

In front of me is AMT, full of antibiotics facts.
In my heart and mind, full of craps, full of defeating thoughts.
Sweet talks can make me move? it is very REALISTIC because if i reject something, the atmosphere changed.. What the hell is this?
My last hug to Sheepig almost ended up with tears. I did not knw that i was still depress until i received msg from Cheang. Thanks my dear ALO!

For now, I'm not going to STEP INTO THE LOT TILL DECEMBER!!!!!!!! I'm not going to STEP INTO THE SCHOOL TILL DECEMBER!!!! I'm going to ENJOY MySELF TO THE FULLEST ON NOV!!! No more STRESS!!! No more REsponsiBILITIES!!! No more COmmITMENTS!! The only commitment i will have is towards my FAMILY and SIBLINGS! THAT"S ALL!
End-Of-STORY!

I will reject anything regarding REsponsibilities and commitmentS!!!

i say it, and i MEAN IT! owh, u so know me. that i will surely do it.
Like i say in my previous post, when a person has stayed or be in a position or a place for too long, perhaps it's time to step down or disappear or change a new environment.

Let me go through my finals before i really sit, sink, and think about it.

"Everywhere i go..." this song reminds me of DeEr, her ringtone. coincident my lappy played this song. ha ha!

I finally understand how strong the feeling of RUNAWAY can be.

Enough of blah blahs! Life has to go on, especially in memorizing all the antibiotics facts.

I promise YOU that i will PASS!!!
I will PASS!!!!


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YOU're in my sleeping, YOU're in my waking, YOU're in my laughing, YOU're in my weeping, just be my everything... be my everything..... God bless me.
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Dad and Mum,
sorry if i dun speak much today.
You knw that i dun wanna come back here if possible, but i have to.
Mum, thanks for willing to buy me anything. I knw that you wish that i would request for anything, but thanks mum, i don't need anything. Just your support will do.

I'll ask for Cheesecake from you when i'm back Mum!! thanks for offering me just now!! ;-)

The first thing i'm going to do with you, mum is... HAve Lunch in Burger King again. :-) DIn knw that you love Burger King that much.

GreenBox on 14th NOv morning. DarLeng will pay! =p HOw about a driving trip to somewhere???? Mmm...... that would be nice.=) Just Us... Us and Us only.....
P.S : dun get mad at me if you are. Accept my apology if u're mad at me. =)
P.S.S : A change of study environment 2mr. I'm going back to the place tht i used to be last sem.

GAH!

I find that i am still running away from something that i shouldn’t.

If someone has stayed in a place or position for too long, perhaps it’s time for him/her to step down and leave.

this thought came to my mind yesterday. Owh.. i was so depressed.. First thing’s first, i hurt my back, and i barely walk, i barely lie down, i barely sit, and i barely stand!!! It hurts like SHIT. THe pain is so strong till the extend that i look like a paralyzed human.

In pain..

Salonpas sucks. FAstum gel, YUCKS! Ibuprofen, argh.. can throw and feed the fish.. left Diclofenac Potassium (CAtaflam) for me..

If possible, i dun wanna take any drugs!!!!

This stupid back pain struck me again after so many years…

gah… i feel like a useless person. I was depressed since yesterday..

Work, teachings, studying… i tell you, when your mind is not in a peace or in a piece, you tend to think brutally and feel like giving up everything!! seriously, EVERYTHING!

Yesterday night, I felt like my world is meaningless, I’ve gambled the trust that ppl put on me, all the high hopes, all the expectations…and i lost in the gamble.. ARGH!!! I just wanna YELL and WANNA QUIT EVERYTHING!

Every now and then , i feel like bursting out… Smile on my face, is just a mask.. well, it was since yesterday.. Honestly, i carried the mask for one day and i feel sick!

Sometimes i do hate myself for being such CLOWN. People can push me away if they dun need me, People can pull me closer when they need me. I am what? A Puppet?? Huh?

My life is worth more than to be a PUPPET!!!!

GAh… tears in my eyes, and i really hate it.

What have i done wrong to deserve all these? my attitude? the way i carry myself? or the way i am willing to being a puppet in Puppet-teer?

There are certain things that i dont say .. it doesnt mean that i like it.

Humans are complicated… i wish to be a simple RETARD sometimes.. at least, what they worry about = nothing!

RElationships, Friendships, workmanships, whatever ships or shits..

 

Mummy and daddy realized… i think. That’s why… i think they are trying to cheer me up.

well, one thing bad about me is.. i dun talk about what i feel with my parents, cuz…

People only remember the BLACK DOT on a pure white board! and that is why…

especially parents. Their love to their child is too strong till the extend that they always think and worry of the worse thing that will happen to their kids.

and i seriously dun like that.

I see things from different side… i dun like to see things from one angle. It makes me stupid.

I think i sort of like give up on my responsibility today.. I did not do my best and i admit that. I cannot concentrate on my work, i cannot concentrate in anything…

My brain cells are dead tortured by me and i refuse to let them breath.

 

I am not okay.

 

 

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“Be my everything, Be my everything, Be my everything, Be my everything…”

P.S : Thanks for sharing the verse with me in FB. You know who you are.=) God bless.