GAH!

I find that i am still running away from something that i shouldn’t.

If someone has stayed in a place or position for too long, perhaps it’s time for him/her to step down and leave.

this thought came to my mind yesterday. Owh.. i was so depressed.. First thing’s first, i hurt my back, and i barely walk, i barely lie down, i barely sit, and i barely stand!!! It hurts like SHIT. THe pain is so strong till the extend that i look like a paralyzed human.

In pain..

Salonpas sucks. FAstum gel, YUCKS! Ibuprofen, argh.. can throw and feed the fish.. left Diclofenac Potassium (CAtaflam) for me..

If possible, i dun wanna take any drugs!!!!

This stupid back pain struck me again after so many years…

gah… i feel like a useless person. I was depressed since yesterday..

Work, teachings, studying… i tell you, when your mind is not in a peace or in a piece, you tend to think brutally and feel like giving up everything!! seriously, EVERYTHING!

Yesterday night, I felt like my world is meaningless, I’ve gambled the trust that ppl put on me, all the high hopes, all the expectations…and i lost in the gamble.. ARGH!!! I just wanna YELL and WANNA QUIT EVERYTHING!

Every now and then , i feel like bursting out… Smile on my face, is just a mask.. well, it was since yesterday.. Honestly, i carried the mask for one day and i feel sick!

Sometimes i do hate myself for being such CLOWN. People can push me away if they dun need me, People can pull me closer when they need me. I am what? A Puppet?? Huh?

My life is worth more than to be a PUPPET!!!!

GAh… tears in my eyes, and i really hate it.

What have i done wrong to deserve all these? my attitude? the way i carry myself? or the way i am willing to being a puppet in Puppet-teer?

There are certain things that i dont say .. it doesnt mean that i like it.

Humans are complicated… i wish to be a simple RETARD sometimes.. at least, what they worry about = nothing!

RElationships, Friendships, workmanships, whatever ships or shits..

 

Mummy and daddy realized… i think. That’s why… i think they are trying to cheer me up.

well, one thing bad about me is.. i dun talk about what i feel with my parents, cuz…

People only remember the BLACK DOT on a pure white board! and that is why…

especially parents. Their love to their child is too strong till the extend that they always think and worry of the worse thing that will happen to their kids.

and i seriously dun like that.

I see things from different side… i dun like to see things from one angle. It makes me stupid.

I think i sort of like give up on my responsibility today.. I did not do my best and i admit that. I cannot concentrate on my work, i cannot concentrate in anything…

My brain cells are dead tortured by me and i refuse to let them breath.

 

I am not okay.

 

 

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“Be my everything, Be my everything, Be my everything, Be my everything…”

P.S : Thanks for sharing the verse with me in FB. You know who you are.=) God bless.