the truth.?

 

This post… is inspired by Ganesh… again.. no, its not him actually, its actually by the song  <I dreamed a dream>

 

Got a super sad news today. well, I have no freaking idea why I call it <sad>. Maybe because it’s the unwillingness to say goodbye to sister, and tawau.

because currently I feel unappreciated, and an excruciating feeling of heartache. At the same time, I am feeling glad that I had a high chance to leave this place.

cries are just for a few moments. I can endure.

Just wanna describe the feeling of feeling unappreciated. it doesn’t feel good. I guess, besides people saying.. “kesian Dellynn….” nothing else they could say or do.

 

I take note of this post, because if things are not the way I think it will end up as, I will remember why people don’t appreciate my presence, at work.

 

so, currently, negativity rules over my feelings. mmm…. not a good time to talk, not a good time to express my feelings, because its all tempted by evil.

 

I feel like crying after talking to ganesh. well, he never fails to make me see things from the other way round. He is sometimes full of nonsense, but I like the way he is.

 

I like the way he said to one of the ppf….. “orang yang baik baik kamu tendang, orang yang tidak baik dan ada masalah kamu simpan…”

 

lol. HE is trying to protect his view! haha. I love it!

 

Right now.. yes, right now, I feel very….. heart ache la. pain in the inside, but there’s no one that can understand me.

talk to her? well.. she is the subject in this matter, and I am trying to make things sounded as positive as it is. mmm…. who knows the pain behind the smiles? and behind “its ok… no worries, just start a new only bah…. God will have greater plans for me!”

 

yeah, no one know what the small fragile heart is going through.

Speak out? nah….. there are things that we better swallow it ourselves rather than to say it out and share. why burden people with unwanted rubbish?

 

listening to <I dreamed a dream> is just so depressing. hahaha. Susan Boyle, u did it. =)

 

“darling, you need to let go…. u knw, its not forever….. someday, someone’s gotto go.”

 

yeah, I was being naïve… thinking that staying for people’s sake is very GRAND, EGOISTIC. haha. end up, I challenged God’s decision.  “Its either here or elsewhere.”

 

As for me and my house, I will live according to His plans, His will.

 

Actually I thought of writing my last words during my “so called” last few weeks in tAwau.

 

Ganesh is right, there is a reason why we were never being given any responsibility. HAHAHA.

 

wanna know the truth?

 

Actually, in the beginning of the log book submission, I felt the same way. knowing that I am not gonna stay, or be retained because I leave a “good” name behind.

 

aiya… parts and parcel of life. that’s why I have been numbing myself with the possibilities of me not staying, though the only persons in the house that I will miss are them. both of them.

 

I still feel like crying.. flashing the moment that I have to leave. but chatting with Ganesh made leaving easier… he just dissected sabah and the people and friends who are there, which made leaving easier. HAHAHA.

 

 

tmr is a brand new day. lets start it brand new.)

 

 

So, there goes Susan Boyle’s . Lovely song.

 

 

I dreamed a dream……

 

God will maneuver my life.

September ends.

September is ending is a few hours time. So, flashing back, what have we done for the past one month? Past year? where we sing the same song 'wake me up when September ends' last year?

As for me, it's fruitful. I have gained blood, sweat, and tears. Owh well... Yeah. 

Past year has been a blessing. 

Getting closer to God, people, values life, and gaining maturity and wisdom.

Mmm.... Somehow I still wonder what will happen of I was not being sent to Sabah. What will happen when god retind me in peninsula?

Chatted with Yin yesterday regarding homosexual matter, she asks 'dear girl, u don't miss church? Us? And your cg mates? When are u coming back for good!??'

Me answered without hesitation...'jie, I am meant for greater things here....I know^^'

It was a fruitful chat. I missed talking to her .

Listening to my heart while listening to 'wake me up when September ends'

Where will I be next September? It's an unknown.

Sometimes I hope life is just a dream, let it be a vague one, so that memories won't be that clear, and people don't hold on to each other, BUT! That doesn't happen in reality.

God has blessed me with talents. Gifts. Love. Spiritual eyes.

I am sinful, did lots of sinful things these few weeks. Sigh......

If I could turn back time, I would have did something else, instead of doing what I did.

September ending soon, my last day of September were spent with patients and sister. 

I guess she has done things which I don't know that she will do. Hehe. Eee..... At least in the whole wide world, besides my pumpkin, my pamelo, my sor por and A LO. I know she cares.

How do I carry on without her presence?

*moody*

I have a few testimonies to share, but am too sleepy to type. So, I will type it when I am free. I still owe sorpor a phone call. Haha.

It's 11pm. Ending soon, welcome October!:) it will be great!

And I am not ready to leave...,.

Blessed night.

Blessed

No one will understand how much I love this junk except for someone. 

It makes me feel loved.;)

Time lies, flashing back the days when I first step into tawau, with sister, met Ganesh in htwu. ^^

If I had the ability to freeze the time, I would freeze it now...at this moment...

Yes, this moment.

我将会很想念的背后，背影。

Living with these two sisters of mine has taught me to be a better person.  

What will tmr brings? Where will tmr leads me to?

I don't know.

But i know, I love this girl, this sister very very much. She has taught me lots of lesson, 'letting go' is one of it.;)

Where will we be? 

God, u know well and your plan is always great. I know I am in Your safe hands.:)

Just gonna live everyday to the fullest, loving those around me, with God's grace. 

And.... Fulfilling god's vision. Yes, lots of visions.... Haha.

Hebrews 3:15-17

Thank you lord for a great year!;)

Touched, pressed, loved.

今天，她哭了。感动得哭了。

This day is a special day where all the confessions happened. 

God is working miraculously in my life and I am so amazed how He reconcile and solve 'stuff' between us. 

Sigh....

Sometimes I don't understand why am I made this way, but I guess god has a perfect draft on personality on each one of us. So, it's god's gift that I am made this way.

I still cry out to Him so that He reigns in everything I do. 

What I cried out. And know what? God always has His own timing for everything. Just like last night.

^^

Maybe my days in Tawau are gonna end soon. I would not know, but I am definite that I treasure the people here.;)

Thanks you Lord Jesus for your great love.

I will keep on loving people and show Christ -likeness in me.

The light.

There are things that better be avoided, better not to feel it, and better not to think about it.

Makes life more comfortable and less burden....,,,

Follow the light? Yes, serve with joy and peace.

Who's the light? We are the light and salt.

God is the way.

Thursday, time flies.

For You are God.

Surrendering to You. 

Sunset with her is just....awesome. 

I can't wait for more, with her.

Touch and go

In the end of he tawau days, I m still longing for god's voice to maneuver me.

I have no words to describe but to say..."Tawau is a nice place"

I have grown a lot, seen a lot. 

But, am I ready to move on??

I guess she is my only reason to stay.

To let go is a skill that one needs to learn and go through phase of life to acquire it.

And let go is not an easy act. 

God, what is your will in me? 

With all these that has happened, I just wanna be more sensitive to You. Yes, You....

Help me to find peace in you no matter what u decide.

(;