Tough night…

                   

            

how sweet is he??? I was freaking stress.. so i messaged him while i was studying outside at my living room with THEM… so, he talked to me and give me lots of motivation.

and then , when i check my FB at 4am.. I saw this.. haha!! he really care for me!!! and i really appreciate it lots..

this is the message he sent when i first message him about my condition..

“Confidence' is a magical word n feeling... N nt evry1 deserved this on thm... N it doesnt mean if it cums nw, it remains d rest of d hours til ur exam... Take it slowly, never hesitate on 'wasting' sum time to reboost it, n u knw wat, to us, u oways deserve it... I undrstnd hw stress it was, bt u got to look at d bright side as u always did.. :-)”

………

………

The last message he sent… (being cut by me)

“Hmm, nw 1am edi, mayb u wil wan an early rest... Erm, all the best! Take care! Miss u mak cik! Miss me too! C u soooon~”

I told him tht i will not sleep early though.

these are some part of the message… along the way, there are more… =)

 

                                   

This cute little girl sent THIS PIC  to me (my phone) as a SUPPORT!! she wrote : “ 想你！加油~:-)"

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Well, it’s a tough night for me.. seriously.. TOUGH.

I feel like crying all the way through… feel like hiding in a corner and just cry.. Anyhow, i reckon tht crying is not the solution. So, i cry diam diam and carry on. =) with my earphones on.. so tht i wont get to STRESSED myself more by listening to what are THEY discussing… Mmm…

Me? i have lack of confidence.. but now, i will do my best and enjoy whatever i’m doing… cuz..

“Misses from here too.Enjoy ur fights each day. Enjoy means enjoy.Sleep tight”

this is the message tht i’ll read if i feel pek cek… cuz.. it looks like an ORDER to me, ORDERING me to ENJOY whatever that i’m doing.

So, believe it now? I miss you(s) everyday. muahahah!!!

 

I’m heading to bed… my eyes are dry. =)

 

Dellynn, You can do it!! all you gotto do is have faith. that’s it. =)

 

P.S : I’m blessed… =)

 

4.23am.. Good night.. erm.. Morning?  haha..

scared…. Trust.

stress… stress…

I’m really scared.. and i cant help myself to tear… I’m really scared.. Listening to worship songs makes me even more fragile.. cuz i’m touched and prone to tear..

This fear i have.. indescribable…

“ Some succeed in their life, some do not. Those who succeed are those who believe in themselves. , you gotto believe in yourselves, that’s it.”

this is the message i get from AL… which made me think a little….

 

Trust myself..

tht’s what i’m lacking,and i’m freaking scared for WEdnesday’s paper.

 

Pray for me.

God, bless me.

Just smile back at me.

Sob Sob…i dunno how to use the Adobe Audition.. why is it so complicated????? Help……

haiz….

HAd dinner, a very satisfied dinner.. =) tht’s why i’m not sleeping till now.. cuz TOO FULL!

singing…. singing…..

Those who knows me, knw tht i love singing.. oooh yeah, cant wait for my Greenbox visit next week!!! muahahaha!!!!

I am very glad that DeEr get to settle her problem at work… again, my prayers are answered. Owh, DarLeng is driving back to KT 2mr, i wish tht he will have a safe journey back.

I’m feeling better. Better than yesterday. =) Life goes on… yeah, this phrase sucks sometimes.Because life goes on and will still go on and u will still be doing the same old thing that you don’t like.

Just like.. we do things because we HAVE to, not WE WANT to.

I will get there, I will get there somehow. A phrase that motivates me whenever i feel like the hopeless person in the world. Trust me, I have no regrets in what i’ve got from what i’ve done. till now, i look at what i want, and strive to my destination. Owh, u knw how blurry is my path? haha!! it is very very blur and unsure.

I believe that i will get there somehow. You will when you believe.

Today, weather was very hot.. i cannot resist myself to lie down to increase the surface area of the air from the fan to HIT my body. haha! weird English…

can u believe it? at 1 am, i am still sweating.. yeah, i will tk a fast bath later.

I’m in love with Hallelujah- by Leonard Cohen, Jim Buckley, Kurt the World Idol, and Kate Vogele. The first time i was exposed to this song was from DavidChoi and Chester See. It is a wonderful, peaceful song to listen to.

                     

Espen Lind(on guitar), Askil Holm, Alejandro Fuentes, Kurt Nilsen(World Idol)

the sequence of the name is the same of the sequence they appear in the song. Yes, the one with the GAP between the TEETH is the WORLD IDOL, KURT NILSEN, form NORWEY. His voice is so powerful!! =)

I love this peaceful song…

 

 

*YOU see me through HEaven’s eyes..*

 

I wonder all of the times, what happened if my heart weren’t open at that particular moment? Will we still have this kind of relationship?

I realized that as time passed by, I lost the spirit which i once have. Yeah, i was clicking randomly on one of my old post, and i realized how i change drastically. It’s an equilibrium now. Everything is in the balance.. but when it is triggered by the external factors, the equilibrium will shift definitely. I realized that i’ve shifted a lot.. To the left and right.. all triggered by different factors. Is it a good news?

one thing’s good is.. I’ve changed from an Atheist to a believer. yeah, ppl do change.

The other… haha… if u’re with me since secondary school, u’ll realize the change in me i guess? =)

 

I am glad. I am really glad.

 

You wanna come into my life and see how many great ppl are surrounding me?

My dears, my darlings..my respected folks…

 

My parents once said: “ you really have a lot of great friends.. seriously, You really have a lot of good friends.”

YEah, FIrst, they notice about the special bond i have with HER.. Soon, they realized that HIM, HER and aku punya bond lagi special…

then, my secondary school friends, such as HUBBY, and my dear ALO. Yolk, I owe you big time!!!

Then comes Shereen, the sakai DAtin… and a bunch of cute coursemates.

see??  These are the ppl in my life that would not abandon me no matter how poor i am, how rich i am. They love me, as in they really cast their true heart to be part of me.

I’m glad. my parents’ wish and hope for me to be aware of friends and be with the right gang are accomplished.

Not to say, My boss, Julene who treated me real good, and a bunch of nice colleagues..

How can i not be blessed? haha!! I am blessed with all the wonders! =)

 

Life is difficult. Yes.. nothing is easy… Mum emphasized it again and again. =)

I love her!!!

 

Well, I wanna make ppl smile.

If per day, i could make a person smile,means by one year, i will have 365 laughter. =)

wonderful? to have 365 laughter and giggles a year!!! haha!!!

 

Gah, i’m talking nonsense? no i am not!!

k k.. time to go off.

 

wanna bath, and study again. will crack my head through the night. =)

Do you knw that a msg from you is a smile from me. Regardless what the msg is all about… as long as ur name and picture appear, automatically, i will smile.=)

Mmm.. missing you huh?? haha.. yeah… every single day. I miss both of you.

 

P.S : just smile back at me. =)

Long post… about my feelings.

I seriously dun care who’s reading my blog.

I wrote about my work, how i was stressed and all..

I wrote about my relationship with others…

If i love someone, I’ll say I Love you.

If i dislike someone, I will express it in my blog and say I dislike you in an indirect way.

Well, I knw I knw, All of us should think before we post something on our blog.. but, we have freedom of speech and freedom to write.

Not to say i think too much, I knw “someone’s” is reading my blog, and i reckon that the “person” knw what am i feeling and how am i feeling. haha!! what do you expect? My blog add is everywhere…. In friendster, In facebook, on my MSN, and..even on GOOGLE!

Until now, i have no regrets on what i wrote. Yeah, If i say I miss you, I mean it. If i say I LOVE YOU, i mean it. If i say I’m stressed and I’m searching for a way to think from the other aspect, I MEAN IT!

 

Tht’s why, to some extend…i feel left out. Anyhow, this is not the major problem to me. Me? As long as i am true to my feelings, and i will find a way to alter the way i think.. for sure!!!

I almost collapse on October. My dear DAtin asked me to think from the other way. I tried.. and i’m still trying.

I still need time i guess. For now, the unwillingness to start everything is still there. I can say that it is still strong in me. The feeling of unwillingness is VEry very strong…

I knw, you might not understand how i feel… You might not be in my shoe to experience my feelings. All i can describe is, for the very first time in my life…I felt like giving up….

Never before, I thought of giving up. Trust me, I’m not a quitter. Now, my job now is to bring my NEVER QUIT spirit back.

I can’t find the objective of me staying. Seriously, till some point, i feel lost.. Lost in NOwhere.

Trust me… Once, NEVER in my life I ENJOYED STUDY STRESS more than anything!!! yeah, study stress is much “lighter” compared to what i’ve experienced months before.

 

So, if you’re reading this and you feel that you are the one who involve in this rebellious feeling of mine, I wanna apologize to you. I’m really sorry to make you feel this way… SOmetimes, I just can’t help it. I need to find the meaning to carry on.

Everyday i pray to GOd so that He will show me the right way to my feelings. Maybe, it is not the right time yet for HIM to give me what i should have. Well, HE always knows what’s best for us and always give us the right thing at the right time.

I always believe in that.

To be honest, I am not over the feeling yet. I”M NOT OVER IT!

IF you want me to go back and start everything, start my activities on my weekends, I still feel reluctant.

Not at all i wanna step into my weekend’s life for now. Seriously… NOT AT ALL.. for now.

I don’t really ask you to understand my feelings. I knw no one can, this is the accumulation of all failures, all incidents that had happened.

Once i was proud of myself. Now, I am sick of myself… and i am finding all the opportunity to runaway on a one way ticket… which i knw i can’t.

Lots of thoughts of giving up crossed my mind. I feel like living as a normal student again. Normal as in.. I have my family day, I have my sibling’s day, and i have my study daY.

You can’t imagine how important my parents, my siblings, and my friends in my life. I love them with my true heart and i would sacrifice anything just to be with them, especially my parents and my siblings. I would never say NO to them before i’ve even try. Eventhough it is out of my capability, i will still try my best to help and solve their problems or to search solutions for them.

THis is ME. YEah, this is ME.

This is a deadly attitude. I think this is why i came to fall into this situation that i’m facing it now.

 

You know, Life is so wonderful where you can wake up whatever time you want, and you loved ones will be there to ask : “hey, you just woke up… wanna go for breakfast? want me to make breakfast for you?”

haha… maybe it is just a simple thing la… but, it seriously means a lot to me.

The picture of Ojisan Peeling crabs for me flashed my mind. It touches me.. He knows i cannot bite, so he peel the shell off and gave me the meat. How sweet??????

He knows all my bad habits and all my single details… HE knows that when i burp continuously, it means that i’m super hungry. haha!!

Another Obasan, who has almost the same level of thinking as me.. just tht she is a bit “naive”.. Gosh, i hope she wont kill me.. haha!! It is good to have ppl to knw what you are thinking… It is very scary at the same time too.. cuz, my mind is being raped!!! LOL!

nah, i dunno how to describe things between us, but it is ALL WONDERFUL thing. seriously, I mean it, WONDERFUL. Of course, I appreciate every single thing she said, it might be small, it might be tiny sometimes, it might be unnoticeable sometimes.. but believe it or not, i notice it most of the times. This is because, the way she thinks is a bit different to others especially those at her age.. Those who dunno her will feel annoyed, but those who knows her, they will be happy to knw how sweet she is.

erm.. dun treat me like a les les k? I am not!! I dun play tht thing de le… LOL!! (joking joking) hahaha!! Just that I treasure every moment with my siblings. Why? cuz their time is GOLD!!! you knw how hard to SEE tHEM??? and how occupied they are?

They are attached, I am not. That’s why….. haha!!!

 

In a nutshell.. (owh, i miss this phrase…), I LOVE THEM LOTS!!! seriously!! LOTS!!! will even die for them! =) seriously, I would die for them if that is the choice to make them live.

Okay, I’ve BLAH a lot here.. still, i still have to find ways to find my feelings back. My dear siblings, what is your opinion? I seriously need advise on that.. cuz i dun feel like talking to my folks… They will relate some different thing with it in the future, and i hate it.

I feel like giving up on my weekends… I dunno whether i’m tired.. I seriously dunno why… Perhaps, enlighten me? please?

Or.. is it time for me to take a break? or to change my environment?

 

knw what… aku tak sampai hati… tht’s why i’m in this kind of situation. I feel guilty if i do so…..

 

Gah.. time to study a little and sleep. It’s almost 240am.

Promise, i will never think nonsense on midnight after today. =)

 

thanks for even bother to read this long post.

WAnt—Sound of Melodies.

 

ok ok.. i knw i’m obsessed with LEELAND. but.. this is another nice song which i wanna share… it’s call SOUND OF MELODIES.

the melody attracts me. =) and of course, it is meaningful. IT is a beautiful song.. Oooh, yeha, Goosebumps for sure!!! =) haha!!

 

next.. next.. it will be ADAM LAMBERT’s New single, WANT.

 

 

It’s because of Adam LAmbert!!! it’s a pop-rock genre.. and.. lyrics are kinda simple, and his style.=)

Not bad though.. his song. =)

 

My condition actually got better after the early sleep yesterday night. I did not even realize there was a reply from DarLeng at 12 something am.. Yeap, means i’m deep asleep. *wink*

Just wanna share some songs, some vids with all of you. Listen to it, If i say it is nice, means it is audible. =) hahahaha!!!

DarLeng has finished exam, he is in Dungun,Terengganu now.

Cool huh? He gets to eat NAsi Dagang, and my Grandma special make YAM CAKE! aiks.. it’s sickening to hear him boast about Granny’s cooking and Nasi Dagang…

Just came back from dinner. Had a great one.. but i think i’ll sleep early today too, feel like sneezing now. If i dun sleep accordingly, i will sure catch a terrible flu.

Time to relax a little, and start my FIGHT! I’m having war now.. with the papers and with myself. LOL!

 

God bless all of you. =)

One more week… Dellynn, HAng on, One more week!!!!!!

erm, i cant wait for DArLeng to Come back!!! I miss my Life with a Driver!!!muahahaha!!!!!

 

P.S : Cheang, that was just a picture effect.. i do think that i’m still the same… LOL!!!!

…………………. eat, notes, watch, sing, sleep, study………………..

Life? mana? haha!

sick.. dizzy, drowzee.... GD NIGHT!=)

seriously.. no midnight oil for me today....

I'm going to catch a flu if i dont sleep....

Thanks lots... It means a lot to me.

=)

My dear world, Good night.

Notes? haha... i'll leave it to 2mr morning.... For today, I care for my health... Just for today.....

Regrets? no no.... Making full use of my time.. but i wish i could have a better immune system.. My body cannot take midnight oil.. i mean, OFTEN midnight oils...

tht's why.

okay, Stop babbling. Start sleeping..
I'm Dizzy and drowzee.....


Selamat Malam.


That was a sweet msg.... =) boosts me up.
Tk care yeah..

I'll sleep very tight tonight.

Hollywood, Ellen Degeneres,Portia De Rossi, American Idol, Josh Groban,Adam Lambert!!!

 

A day…

i am much asleep more than study.. yeah, wasnt feeling that well. I knw if i dun get enuf sleep or rest, i’ll end up being a sick moron.

was studying, and browsing YouTUbe,as usual… Read this on Wikipedia! haha!! Ellen Degeneres will be the Judge for American Idol season 9 next year!!! YAY!

Knw what i like about Ellen? she is humorous, humble, funny, lovely.. and her wife is HOT!

owh, their marriage… it was a wonderful wedding and it strikes the Hollywood!! hehe…

All i can say is, I look forward to next year’s American Idol!!! I hope there will be another special star born right after Adam Lambert!

I’mma big fan of Adam Lambert though! =)

clearly, sexual orientation is not an issue to me!!! haha!

                                  

Adam is a true rocker!!! Erm, I like him!! =)

 

                                 

this is Ellen Degeneres on the left, and Portia De Rossi on the right. Mmm, they are married! =) I can’t wait for Ellen’s firsts judge on AI9! =)

 

so, Next year will be a blast! American Idol Season 9, and Adam Lambert!

Just in case u wanna knw, i'’m watching THE ELLEN SHOW on YOUTUBE just to make myself laugh.. so that i won’t forget my  voice? haha!!!

yeah…. so, my day is filled with Stars like Justin Timberlake, Cameron DIaz, Angelina Jolie, Oprah WInfrey, etc..etc.. and JOSH GROBAN!!!! hahaha!!!

 

Josh Groban is producing his new songs and will be out very very soon!!!

                                 

The voice of Angel. He has it.

 

Wookie, Time off now.

*back to Proteins and Vitamins…*