mere updates on 8-9 jan =)

So, i did something nasty this morning. when i think back.. urgh.. why did i say so!?

anyway, no regrets ha. haha.


ya, i got a bit irritated this morning, maybe because of lack of sleep? and... the quality of the conversation|?

anyway, drop the issue. I blame myself because i'm building serious wall.
ha.

last night was a blessing! i met up fellow colleagues for dinner, then went for CG.. gosh, i think this CG is somewhat similar to Connexions! and at least we talk about SCRIPTURES!
ok, first impression---> checked and passed!


Then, i was in Taste 2 for supper with the usual kaki. We chatted and chatted like there's no tmr! lol. AWESOME!
ok, i now certify myself as a person who needs social boost to live my days!

Well, there are days also that i feel like staying at home, doing nothing....
and currently i feel so. ^^

I feel like sleeping. thanks to the late sleeping.


I have internal struggles. Currently, i guess the percentage of letting go is reaching 70%. Yea, i dont know if this is the right way, but... I'm comfortable. at the same time, i'm struggling in between God's words too.
God says love, I am rebelling.

Love God and love others is a challenge to me. ITS SO FREAKING HARD!

T_T


No one could understand me, and behind the smiles are walls, thick walls. except to.... Ms Mel. haha. I feel that i need someone to vent out in TAwau besides Sher. Sher is always my best venting machine. Really thank God she didnt give up on me.

I was just telling myself. "har.. my life used to be restricted due to extreme love and tolerance, and i feel that my whole world is just at home and my dearest sister. Now, after all the war and all that shit that has happened, thanks to always finding out that the jerk is a jerk, i finally let go gradually,and ...my world widens! and when i look back, i kinda feel sorry for myself for missing out so many fun, bonds, and relationships. well, I am slowly finding my world back and becoming who i am forced to be and supposed to be, all thanks to that JERK? haha... so, when will be the time when the jerk feels that the world has gotten away and he has nothing but her? when the time comes, he will feel that his whole world is only her, and the rest just gone... and will he experience what i experience now a few years down the road when someone else step into her life? "

when i reach the last part... i wish him torn and broken. lol. i know its bad to have vengeance, but i think.. if that day really comes, i will actually sympathized him and happily tell myself  "been there done that, and i'm glad i'm out of it!"

now, still in the process lar.... I want to be normal again , so badly, but my conscience just doesnt allow. Somehow i will have a "limit wall" which automatically shut down when it has enough dose of conversations, enough dose of everything about it.
that is why i am struggling very very hard between reality, and God's words.

I still feel a bit burdened, not as much as few months ago. I can say that i am doing well with this NO STRINGS ATTACHED theory.

I feel so free, i can do anything i want, and i dislike people take my time for granted. I dont like people to assume that i am free and they can just do whatever they want and just slot me in.

"A promise kept is respect earned"

Sorry... respect has been ruined... in this case.


Happy to say that i'm occupied. I cook whatever i want, go wherever i want. Ask me in advance if u wanna date me, I'm not so up to last minute SLOT IN plan anymore.

PS: I AM NOT A FLOAT or SECOND HAND ok.



Whats the purpose of this year? it was asked during CG discussion.

mine is "to love God and love others" . This is my biggest challenge and i have decided to start slow, one step at a time.


^^

Lord, give me the shield of truth, and the armor to face whatever i am facing. Help me to love You and others more. I pray that Lord will close the door of anger and irritation in me as well... and give me the strength to hold it closed when Satan attacks! In JEsus name i SHALL NOT BE DECEIVED!!!

AMEN!