How's life people?
Its my second week of work. Things are doing fine with me. lol, should be other way round, I'm fine.
First week of work was a bit busy, with new year holiday in between and reports to rush, but thankfully its all done.
I'm still blur on what am i supposed to do this year. ANYWAY, leave it first.
People has been leaving day by day. They just leave... and i wish i would have left too...sometimes.
Because I'm kinda tired being treated like a float, and a second hand. I'm supposed to be the first hand , and i always know that i am the first hand in HIS eyes.
haha.. life bah... kan?!
Actually, i'm kinda enjoying my life now without asking anything, without knowing anything. my last rant was to GAnesh, last Saturday night before he left to Semporna.
Thank god he is a good listener, and talker. but that conversation that night is more on me venting out my anger. I'm so sorry that he has to be in the middle of all these. lol.
Someone can even notice that i am building walls towards people despite my friendly and jovial relationship with others. oh my.... obvious? well, at least i dont think so!
Amanda always tell me "you still got us!" LOLs
I have to agree that with my alone space, things are better that way. No strings attached, say NO whenever necessary, and no more responsibility. The only burden i carry now is me myself. but... thats not a problem, because i can just sleep my burden off myself and i can handle it myself. haha.
I can stay in my own space as long as i want.
i can sleep as long as i want.
I can lie on my bed as long as i want, as early as i want.
i dont need to talk if i feel like shutting up, i dont need to smile when i dont want to.
Therefor, this is not going anywhere. haha. yeah, i wanna challenge my own personality now. Wage war against it.
I am still in nauseated mood when i see ***. OMAIGAWD. God says love, and i am sinning.
because, i feel yucky to see them la. like i said, Keningau trip really opened up my eyes, and i really really hope the truth will change.
anyway, i dont wanna talk about it anymore. i wanna focus on my own life.
I'm getting better in entertaining myself now. like seriously! dont need to restrict myself on food.. (tolerance can be a bitch).
I dont need to restrict my circle of friends.. (tolerance can also be a pain in the ass)
I dont need to restrict MYSELF! GENERALLY! (tolerance can ruin lives).
AHH... like i said.... KENINGAU I LOVE YOU for changing my perspective, and thank you for being a place where i found what i love!
I'm still gonna embrace travelling alone, and travel everywhere! Perhaps i should go somewhere this weekend. ^^.. randomly. as long as i am OUTTA HERE!
mmm..... where should i go this time.....?i believe the idea will come when the time comes. haha.
Rejections has made me become a firmer person in decisions.
and PEOPLE!!! YOU OUGHT TO LEARN HOW TO SAY NO!!! to protect urself.
I have left myself too vulnerable. Yes, she indirectly change who i was to who i am now. Hurt too much, too deep.
and... DONT MAKE A DECISION BECAUSE OF A PERSON! THINK OF YOURSELF FIRST!
the most expensive lesson I have learnt.
by end of this year, if its God's will, I will leave Tawau permanently. Say goodbye to Tawau permanently and start somewhere new. (depends on what's Amanda's plan). hahah!
and... i am really really awakened now. I was lost and sunked in dunno what kind of shit a year ago till i neglect people around. So infectious wei.... anyway, cant blame, its my own choice, and they tend to draw u away from the crowds. HAHAHA!
introverts (extreme one) are so dangerous. Now, i dont wanna endure the patience, endure anything anymore. Live to my own standards! woohoo!
I'm starting to dream of my dinner tonight d. i cant wait to go back and cook! i guess after tonight's dinner, I'm gonna miss ah ma more. Well, i will reward myself my playing
Though i will cry, i will finish the song, with my Yuki.
God, give me the strength to war against my personality and mould me, dont let me fall deep into SAtan's hand.
Keeping my dear pao pao, YMCA in thoughts. ^^
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