Cruel.

What is normal? What is abnormality?

I realize that my home life has been a bit out of place. 

Am I being rebellious? 

Are things still normal?

I have no idea. But what I comprehend now is I'm gonna do what I want, what He wants. And build my happiness. That's all.

I'm not gonna ask till someone asks me. U know, sick and tired of being rejected. 

And when I feel so, I feel like I'm gonna collapse. But,,, well, god is always with me. 

My life has been great. Did some reports today, dispensed a little, read a little, life is so ar all well, guess I enjoyed my life more than anyone else does.

I'm not pure, not naive. I can fake a smile but still feel bitter. 

Well, I guess I just need to pull myself away in order to find the right distance to come back. Currently, I just feel like distancing myself.

I'm closing up though. Doing thing very surface. Guess I need time.

Yesterday was great, had a great chat and fellowship with her. I'm glad I ditched movie. Because I feel uncomfortable. I rather spend time talking and catching up than watching movie and be bitter. I rather watch alone. Hahaha.

Me? I'm starting to respond to His voice now. Yes, next year will be a big year for me. I have big dreams to achieve. After all, life is just me, myself and I.^^

Me and her were talking about marriage, she reminded me again to find a godly man in life who can lead you and mould you. Happiness with non Christian partner is just temporary, because if he/she don't  know how to love god, he/she will go astray.

Aiya, I can only be there for sister if she needs me. IF...she needs la. Cuz most of the time now she doesn't. Well..... Life.

I guess if she realized how less time she spent with me. Haha. Nah, I don't feel abandoned anymore, because I have decided to be cruel in my way, to myself. I'm comfortable this way, rejecting people, meeting people that I wanna meet. 

I did something that blowed my own mind yesterday. I bought a few flight tickets and I will go off. My main trip will be in May! Stay tune! I can't believe I did that, solely believe its Him who give me the signal now,I'm moving on.

Tonight, no stars, can't do star gazing. Sigh. 

Lord, I put everything before You now. I don't wanna care, don't wanna mind, don't wanna think about anything but just you and only you.

Speak to me, Your will, I just wanna go Your way. Teach me how to love and forgive. Teach me how to deal with people that hurt me. Teach me how to start a new....

I'm surrendering all to You.