Angel and demon, are you?

a good night!!!

cuz the one who always absent is present.

Julene kept reminding me :" kuen, remember to ask Wei Lee out lo.. remember lo, this coming saturday night.. i'll confirm the place with you later.. remember lo, ask her out!!"

this was the conversation last sunday. she kept reminding me...

and it makes me think of what Ms. Yap told me... few months ago, :" kuen ar, Julene very sayang you and wei lee ..till "chut jap".. do you know that? me, as an outsider oso can see... she really really sayang both of you very much" She said in Hokkien.
Me? I forgot what i answered.... but as time passed, i realized that it's true.

I guess no one really makes Julene feels the way she feels now gua.... I mean, interaction, communication wise, it cannot happen with PF, so, i am glad. really glad.

I guess we influenced her a lot, and she'd changed a lot since Baby Rachel exists. :-) yup, it's true.

I did not think that i would become so close to her when i first work in Life Care. When i think back, it feels like it's has just happened yesterday. The memory of me interviewed by her is still fresh in me.
yea...
I mean, she really treat us nice la..
but.. What Ms Yap said is true..i can see it now. :-)

Talk about tonite, Huey Ling...haiz... me personally was happy cuz i get to gather with a bunch of colleaque, a.k.a friends.... but why she weared the shoe!!!!! haiz.... Stupid....

again, she tried to do everything i did.. the JENGKA>... aiz...
forget it la...
I'm sure that she wont blend in..and she cant. so.. sorry again@@!!!

Kenji came to my house with Fiona. hehe... should see his new hairstyle!! he is so handsome!!!
my goodnes....
My boyfriend... he is the first boy i feel like kissing all over... haha!!!

Kenji! kenji!!!


Actually, happiness is always coming hand in hand with sadness, i duno why, it always happens to me. whenever you see me doing something strange with whatever i hv... means, theres something wrong with me d.

I am even sad-der tonite.
Things changed.
and...
i dunno why.
Is it because of what i wrote?
of what i said?
or what i showed?
or what i am???

obviously, i am drown in confuseness.
so...

That is the real me?
what do you expect?
to change my style? so that you can accept?
huh?

hey... please...
is it i'm the one who changed? or...the other way round?
SIS, is that what you did, you did it on purpose?
am i so disgust?
you cant give me an answer... why?

You hurt me...
it feels more like a discrimination to me.

W.Iyng told me straight forward before... :" Kuen, i know you wont tell ur prob to others, but i know that you are not happy sometimes. You can find someone to talk to, it's better."

ya, i know. but who?

The things that is happening to me makes me even keen to close myself up.

I still remember, i replied W.Iyng :" know what? for me to trust a person, i need a long long time... and for me, i think that things that i can settle it myself, i wont tell others. cuz... I can settle lo.."

Actually it's not. what lies deep in my heart is.... " I dont hv the confidence that ppl will listen to me...I'm scaews to be other ppl's burden... and ppl always thought that i dont hv prob. so, for me, it is weird to talk to ppl bout myself.
I dont like to talk about myself, i prefer ppl to know my character through knwing me as friend."

i am not disappointed, i am just... i dont understand why it suddenly changed.

stupid me.

haha!! anyhow, it wont bother me for long la. as... i will still be me.
I know it is hard to change my personality so that i can fit into others. i dont want. I dont wanna lose my identity.

Anyhow, i think that... for tonite's situation to "repeat" again, it needs at least 2 more months... aha!!!

No point thinking of what has happend, cuz you cant ammend what has happened, the emotional damage caused is irreversible. What's damaged is damage. so... leave it to sink and be sediment.

right?

For me, hurt is hurt, what's done is done, no point looking back.

I still remembered W.Iyng said about a start of relationship, " a spark starts a relationship, but in the long run, it's not the spark that maintains it, it is the way of how you communicate."

I feel it's true.
for any realtionships.

As for Julene and me, what makes us start?
i think it's Rachel and PF.
I think i was the first staff who she asked me to touch her stomach when baby rachel is stll inside her womb.
because of PF, Julene sees more and compares more? i guess?
another reason, fate?
My attitude?


It's a long blog. i just have so many things to express.
Someow, i still feel that blog is a little restricted for me..
:-) but i still manage to voice out everything. :-)

Angels,
are you sent from up above?

demons,
are you sent from up above? too?

how to differentiate between angels and demons?

are you an angel and demon?

I can admit that.... YES, I AM.

I bet.....
everyone plays both the part.

Jet'aime
Muacks.

ja!