onion-kuen... kuen-onion...

fyuh!!! I'm stressed!!! and boring!!!!

cant live without blogging man!!!! haha!!!

wil be back on Friday morning, i guess... hehe. anyway, i may change my plan.

i've been studying, and singing... only eat 2 meals per day. why? cant eat, but can sleep.. haha!! no la, just that dont feel like eating, so, dont eat lo. die, wil get smack from my mum if she knew this. haha!

die la.... haha!!

i think i'm.....

I feel like an onion. I guess aska yang’s "Yang Chong" really hits my feeling now. I’m always the taste inducer. No one ever peels me off and see what’s in me.(past) Haha... a good thing though.


That’s why i’m thicker and thicker now. And i doubt that it will become thicker if no one peels me off again. I’m kinda hard to be peeled. But it’s possible to peel me off. Haha!! depends on ur technique la. I can be peeled, no worry. U just need to be sharp enough to locate which place is the easiest to peel. Like me, if u’ve peeled the wrong spot, ok, it might look awkward, but i still hv a lot of layers yet to be peeled. Just like onion, if the wrong layers are peeled, nothing will happen. U can still peel and get the right layers again. I guess, that’s the best to describe me.


In other words of that, i don’t mind ppl turned me down, i don’t mind ppl hit me out, i don’t mind ppl kicked me off.. (haiz, always go attacked during tkd..)haha! I’m still having more layers to be peeled. So, not to worry bout hurting me. Hehe..
Remembered that when i first being smacked by a girl on my head. I did not cry at all, i tried to be calm and find chance to hit her again. Yes, i manage to hit her at her chin. Haha! devil me. This only occurs during tournament la. I wont do it in my real life.
When ppl hit me, i wont hit them back anymore. I try to be more careful about the layers of mine, tht’s all.


Ppl said they don’t know me. I’m quite hard to be peeled, so u can imagine how many times i’ve been hit by ppl? That’s why my layers are thick now. And even i try to degrade my layers so that ppl can peel it easily, it is still hard to be peeled. Maybe my degradation technique is not right.
thick layers formed each and everytime i'm being smacked., so, can u imagine how many times i’ve been smacked by ppl?

From all those hitting and smacking, i became more careful of my own layers, try to protect it so that when i get hit again, i can at least guarantee that i wont get hurt easily. That’s why, sometimes i’m used to getting smacked and hit by ppl.


I’m not saying that it’s not my fault for being this way, but i just cant help. Cuz it’s the norm of creatures to protect themselves from being hit regularly. Right? Don’t tell me u like being hit by ppl.. unless u’re psycho.haha!!!
it's not others fault when they dunno me, cuz i think it comes from me.

I’m scared that i’ll go to the extend where i hv no more feelings when ppl smashed me. But now, i’m only having thick layers. I still hv feelings. Just that , the layers protect my feelings more when i’m being smacked by ppl.


Thick thick layers protecting my fragile heart lo.. haha!!


Sometimes it’s not because i don’t wanna talk about my past, but let me ask u, do u wanna talk about the past where u wanted to forget it so much?


I think my past has built me. I’m very calm, (i admit that. Haha), i can think rationally, i wont think of commiting suicide, i wont think of doing things that hurt ppl around me. As i said, i rather sacrifice to make ppl happy. These happens because of my past. I dunno why, i always give ppl my best. Why i realized this? There’s one incident. Someone borrowed pen from me, one was a new pen, one was running out of ink, still can write, but u can see that the ink almost finished when u write. Know what? I borrowed the person the new pen, i rather use the old one.


There are many cases, where when i borrow pen from ppl, they always give me the worn out one.deep in my heart, i dun wan ppl to feel what i felt to get the worn out pen rather than getting the new pen, which has ink, so i always give ppl the best. Especially to those that i care and love.


Tis is only the pen example... (small case nia) cuz there are more things that had happened to me where it involves my dignity.and more...


All i can say that, the character that i am having now, i think i built it by hard. If i really love someone, i really give them the best. Even my friends. Cuz by seeing them laugh and smile, it really makes me happy too.


Just like the person, the person actually built his happiness on my pain, ok, i felt suffocated that time, but now... i still want the best for the person even though we’re not as the same as before now. I’m getting over it.


Shitty rite? Having this kind of character? Haha... i oso dun wan de le. But what to do? It’s in my blood.... and i don’t plan to change anything la. I’ll just try to degrade my thick skin again. Maybe i’ll try other techniques. i think i’m ready...

yep, Kuen-onion, kuen-onion. it looks match though. i really feel like i'm an onion when i listen to the song... haiz.. kuen ar kuen... why do u hv so much of layers le?

hahaha..... sometimes, the layers just grow without me knowing it.

that's why i'm used to get hit... and try to find reason to make everything feels right. haiz... it makes me think of Mun. cuz he's always doing that. till the extend that he cant find any reason anymore to sustain everything... Mun..!!!! we're on the same boat!! but i still hv plenty of reasons la.. haha!!!

Anyway, i dont dare to think of anything now. i just wanna be happy, live my day to the fullest, eat the things i crave for.. gosh, can u believe it, i'm actually craving for shabu-shabu now.... haha!! erm.... haha!! maybe i'll drag the stupiak girl there.. haha!!! as i'm very free this saturday!!!! why? no tkd training!!! yes!! means movies are possible, sleeps are possible!!

shabu-shabu.... mutton.... shabu-shabu... mutton....

my saliva glands... gosh!! it's over functioning!!! feel watery now!! haha!!!

Bro is working nite shift this friday... wanna fetch him to work.. but i'm scared that when i wait for him, DT songs appear again. haha!!!! maybe i'll shut my ears down la.. ehe..
see first la, who knows i dont wanna fetch him? but i wish i could go for movie.... damn, dunno what movie to watch..
ya lo hor, maybe i dont crave for movie... but i'll go to 'ya tao yuan" again le? hahaha!! who knows???

thought of the stupid " Gone baby Gone". it sucks. pay for Rm 10 to sleep in Eskimo!!! haha!! it was so cold!!!! till the extend tht i hug my bro's arm tight and sleep!!! damn, stupid movie..

feel like watching deadly ghost.. haha!

there are so many things i wanna do... but mostly after my finals.

but.... i wont sacrifice my meals because of my exams. kekekekeke........

Kuen really hope the layers will be degraded. haiz.... ok, i'll try, i will really try. cuz i know i cannot be like this... forever. :-)

i'm quite happy today. well, ok la, just wish that everything goes fine, and hope that i'll have the courage to face what is coming towards me.
i either stand, or fall... and i'll fall terribly..

hehe... anyway, i'll try to stand till the very last minute. i'll keep holding on.

cheers.!! again, feel like eating chou tou fu now.... hahahahaah!!!!!

and cheese cake.... hope can eat it at least once a week in the future la, know that it is fattening, but i just love cheese cakes! will try to get my time to bake the cheese cake i like this coming weekend!!
dense cheese cakes, chocolate cheese cake, cheese tart... yummy.....
i only know how to bake cheese digestive biscuits. haha!

ok, wont be online.... i guess... till this friday.. sob... i hope my lappy wont burst because i wrote everything there. i hope my phone wont 'kong' cuz hehe.... everything's there lo. it's either there or... in the notes.haha!!

still thinking that i should've followed the things i wrote in the 'forever unsent items.." haha.. anyway, there's no turning back. what's passed is past. so, look forward, improve, improvise, be a better person.

Future....i'll reach it though it's million miles away.
and i'll still keep u safe.