mad girl in a mad season...

hello... A greeting to open up my blog... and to continue what i am going to 'crap' here...

I was shocked when i was looking at the mirror while i was bathing just now... Gosh!! my panda eyes!!! and i am very tired now as i've trapped in the stupid jam in klang town near public bank for 30 minutes!! without moving at all!!!! so we've decided to tk the Kpg Jawa road back.. and the journey from kapar to klang took about 1.5 hours... shit! i can go and come back from Cheras... !#@$#@$#@%#$^@#$!!!

Admit that i was quite emotional yesterday and today... cuz BS is going to leave to Australia 2mr morning, 9.45am flight. and i really got screwed by Yan when we were on the way to fetch her to JJBT.. I told her.. i'm not going. know why?

cuz... i know BS very well... I dont want her to leave 'very emotionally' expecially when i am there.. and i dont want this memory to stay in me... i dont want..

i guess that's why i let myself drunk in Fiona's house... but i was not completely drunk, just a bit dizzie...

I had a great time in Greenbox today. REally... i really sang a lot of songs... and know what, Yan was surprised that i can really sing cuz i nvr sing before with them. and another secret here : I dont sing in the car when i heard my fav song whenever they(my friends) are beside me... haiz, again, Stupiak girl was the first to hear me really sing in the car... haha!!! dunno why le, just feel comfortable with her in the car.. like no barrier at all.. hehe...

I think they were surprised to hear me sing...Hello... i can sing k????!!! after singing, Yan told me:' hey, i dunno that u can really sing huh? improved a lot ar...? i mean attitude wise..? " yeah, thanks to the comfortability of me being with my dear stupiak girl... it really breaks another 'barrier' of mine. i can now sing in front of my family... which i dont before i met her. haha! see? big bad influence on me!! ha!

I've bought BS an alarm clock. From HOMIE in JJBT. It was a nice alarm clock. Bs asked me to choose a colour for her. i've chosen a pink one... and paid for it. then know what she told me after that..? she said:' i know i'll miss u very much, hehe.. that's why, every morning when the alarm wake me up, i'll think of u.."(something like that, cuz our conversation was in CHinese.) I reply her back by a slight smile..
I'm touched le. i'm scared i'll break out if i speak. so.... we moved on.]
to sakae sushi.
drank green tea and ate some sushi. and had funny chats there... and Yan was bombing me lots... i love wasabi, and yan said i was numbing myself with wasabi so that i tear...and relief my emotion. what?!!?? no la.. i really loved wasabi.

around 4 somehting, i sent both of them back. As Yan will meet her and send her the last journey...
BS was the last.. yeah, i sent her the last. we had a brief chat for 10 mins... in my car.
While i was driving... she suddenly tell me that..." i will surely miss u very much.... can u upload ur photo in facebook so that i can grab it..?
I remained silent. i only start talking to her once i reached her house, as i dun want my tears to blurr my vision..

she told me that she always browse my photos in facebook.. well, i was like... and she asked me to upload more, so that she can save in her new lappy and make a screen saver out of it...
my emotion was not very stable d... cuz she said, "i only go for 1 year.., i'll call u once i'm there. time flies... dont miss me too much lor...." i said:' i'll upload more of photos there, u upload urs too.. and dont call me ler, it's very expensive." she replied : ' no la, it's cheap to call back using the number there..." i was speechless.

I know i was going to tear soon.. cuz looking at the clock, we've left only 6 mins..
and finally, i couldnt help myself and turn my face away from her.. tears running down...
i couldnt help it... really cant..
she pulled my face bck.. and said :' dont be like this ler... see! i'm so cute de.. see! see!!" yeah right, she looks totally ugly by posing herself with the 'scissors paper, stone" cute pose.. haha.. i wiped my tears, she did her pose again... hehe.. trying to make me laugh.

yeah, she tried hard.. i'm sad, i'm really sad. It's like losing someone u really love and care..
My relationship with her.. i dunno how to explain.. we're the bestest friend ever.

then when the time is getting narrower... she said she has to go down.. ok.. fine. I told her:' u're just going to leave like that??" without saying anything... she pulled herself closer and hugged me... very tightly.. i was tearing again..
she said:' i hug u like this, then u wont let go lor...?' i said:' ya, i dont want to...if i can..'

remaining in this position, she talked to my ears, asking me to tk good care of myself, as 1 year is very fast.. asking me to gambate in my studies and tell me that i can send offline msg on msn to her anytime... gosh, i was tearing, and i only nodded and answerd:' mm, mm,......" i was really really speechless...
it remains about 1 minute.... the longest hug she ever gave it to me... cuz the first one was given by me, during her 17th bday,yeah form5 time.

and she's the type of conservative girl... and she keeps the feeling of hugging for many many years.. she's more emphasize on the first time feeling and memory.. she always tell me: ' good things, u dont need more, u just need to trasure the feeling in ur heart, forever..." i still remember the things she told me...
that's why...

and today, she really showed me physically that she wanted to hug me when she met me in popular.. I wasnt sure about the feeling...so i just kept quiet.
she caress my head like she used to do when we were in KTV.. haha!

then she left from the car...

i was controlling my tears...
as i drove away... i really tear down..
the whole journey... from her house to mine...
i tak sampai hati ler.... to let her go like this....

oh ya, she asked me before she left the car, she asked me whether i'm going to sent her off 2mr onot,? i said '"no".. then she said:' i think like that it's better for me as....i'll feel more tak sampai hati later...."

I've made a right decision... i knew it very early....

I wish her good luck in everything....

P.S: i'm not a lesbian... :-)