First post of the year!
ok, was shocked by the message i got. Honestly, i am comfortable this way!
Let it be? haha.
I am very much comfortable like that. well, i guess she doesnt know why things become like that and why am i acting this way.
its all because of accumulation of rejections and broken promises. I think only Rabia understands how i feel.
The relationship i had with hc was like attachement kind of relationship, and when she got attached to a guy who has a double face, 2 lives, i got pissed. Because.... i get to know lots of things which probably she is still being kept in the dark.
The meet up in Keningau makes it worse, the guy is so f***ED up. seriously.
well, Love is blind. i supposed.
I dont wanna know anything about their relationship anymore. Everytime i get was rejection when i ask for dinner or what-so-ever, always "oh.. i might go dinner with him... " this and that. not only this la... a lot more. Like i said, balancing up between relationship and friendship is very important and i feel abandoned most of the time, and ..... she probably didnt feel it. Like i said, my priority was her , and now... my priority is MYSELF.
enough is enough!
Asking is not what i will do anymore. HENCE, I'm just gonna indulge myself, indulge in activity that i feel good, till .... she learn things through the hard way and when she realize the world ahs gotten away from her, she will come back...?\
mmm... i am cruel in this sense, but.. when i have done what i could, all that has left is her and her learning process d.
Easy way has been turned down, now.. left HARD WAY.
all the best.
I've been living good, working with a bunch of lovely and heartbreaking ppf, haha. they are so cute!
Life indulging in pampering myself in food.
watch movies whenever i want.
sleep whenever i want.
do WHATEVER i want!
no need to think of her, whether has she eaten, has she this and that.. bla bla bla.
she has him enough d la. Who am i wor? Just a passerby i suppose.
I'm taking real slow to find the distance back, really slow... baby steps.
up to a year? maybe? because the shortest also 3-6 months. but me.... i dont hope, i dont expect anymore loo...... especially to her.
Good or bad?
To me, no expectations means no disappointment.
so.... Rach was right about this long time ago... she always scold me "stupid, why u expect too much? if you dont expect, you wont disappoint!"
and one thing that i always wonder....now. Why was i the only one who is always digging? i know you but do you know about me? do you know anything about me?
what i like, what i love, my hobby, my passion, the food i like...etc..etc... my attitude...
ok, maybe i expect too much. because... ONE FREAKING YEAR IS NOT ENOUGH TO KNOW A PERSON!
speaking the truth.... I am tired la, for always wanting to know people deeply, digging.. and... the only person who really digged me was Sher, and Linda, and RAch. They know me well, didnt abandon me, learnt through the hard way as well to endure this relationship/friendship, never leave me, love me for who i am.
Since Rabia told me "Dellynn, you should learn to love yourself first, think about urself before others, you cared too much and got emotionally attached too deeply and like bf-gf kinda relationship, so now... you can distance away. and there are 2 ways if you wanna keep this friendship, either you be normal, or indulge in what you like, and take ur time slowly to be who you were. Our mind is very powerful, make yourself up, tell yourself today's gonna be a good day, smile, and feel good. you can see the difference and how you feel."
New year, my first resolution is the love God, and love myself more. The rest... i;m sure with God, things will turn out well. ^^
I still care for her, but i'm not showing it. because..... i'm still recovering from all the broken hearted moments.
i can just wish her well, and be there for her when she needs me. (though i think all she needs is him ONLY currently, so...)
TONIGHT! I'm gonna have simple dinner and rest earlier! ^^
previous days's meal was awesome. YUMS!
the steak, the rice, the salmon, chicken. OH MY......
Have a great year ahead!!
hugs to all of u. ^^
this is my last rant... well, if she reads it, then... read lo. its merely how i feel. ^^
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