I came back in despair, recharged, and going back to tawau with a different mind set.
Honestly, things that happened in tawau made me feel like crap.
I thank god for shereen who is available for me to talk to.
Reconciliation? God, u reconcile?
I think my demand is high, my walls are thicker. Very much thicker.
I know I am being watched, and not being watched at the same time. Guess I just need someone to talk to and share.
I am so different back here. The energy is so different.
Meeting with my siblings in Christ made me feel warm and welcomed. Yes, CG is important.
I dunno why I became so antisocial, and I am opting for a new cg.
Lord will guide me through.
I was so happy to NOT hear about tawau, her, him, all ....
I don't give a damn.
I was so ignorant about work. Because I think tawau made me sick that time. I really don't wanna know anything about my work. Even when sister told me about tawau, oncall, him, and all, I was really in anhedonia state again.
That night, I think I have tried too hard. I think it's because of me, myself. I have ruined it. At some point, I wanted to give up. Because I don't know how to talk anymore.
The sadness in me was so significant. I think I have ruined everything.
My walls are building up, doesn't mean others don't build walls. So, I come to understand the fact that... We need time to break the ice again.
Why can't we chat normally? Why?
Then I come to realize, it's me myself who ruined everything.
I don't wanna talk anymore, I don't share, I don't expose d, I feel so tired of talking and feeling.
Till.....last night, miracle happens. The conversation was initiated by her. Haha. Though its short, it's sweet.;)
I don't know what will happen in Tawau, but I will start finding class and start TKD. Because sister is definitely going to see him more often. Well... Left me.
This time, I am taking my thoughts into action. I did told shereen I need someone like her! Hahaha. I actually can't wait till December to meet her.:)
I don't know what to expect on Wednesday. I will try my best in whatever that happened.
Lord, please protect us from harms and cover us with your blood. Let our relationship be committed into your hands. U will mend whatever infirmities that is in our sisterhood. She is a great sister of mine, and I just want You to be the centre of our relationship.
Mel is right. I have been ignoring her too, I really did seclude myself from everyone. But now, no more negativity. I am gonna live out what He wants me to be, do my job in Tawau and start off somewhere new!
Sometimes, I feel... Talking to me is like digging gold as well...
When you keep on digging, u will definitely find rocks along the way. It's hard and stubborn and cannot be broken, then as you dig deeper, the rock will break, and u will tend to dig deeper. More rocks will come and more effort needed to dig.
When you feel like giving up in digging, that's when u almost reach the gold. But too bad, no further diggings, means no gold.
I feel that way all time. No one has ever successfully dig my gold, all almost succeeded but they give up halfway.
That's why, how much do you know me in person?^^. Don't give up digging because u will eventually reach the gold,
I don't simply let people in. And I don't simply let people out.
Past 10 days was a blessing. Thank you Lord.^^
A new start next week. :)
10 days with mum was a bliss....
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