my feelings... it's mixed today.. and it kinda becoming a rojak now...
why?
I'm accompanying my bro to KL 2mr. well, it was an important thing to go there, but not anymore. why?
I guess...
there are pros and cons..
ok, first of all, my bro gave surprise again, not him.. he is not the one who gave us surprise..
i guess my parents, and apart from this, it's my bro's attitude.
He cant really decide eventhough he had made his decision to study med, anyhow, he doubted his decision these few days...
and at last, he is going to UMT, in Terengganu this Saturday afternoon. Means... i cant go with him, cuz i need to be in klang for everything, my TKD, my work...
bad hor? this sister?
anyway, i've made my decision to stay in Klang. Cuz i know, Bro is my responsibility(no doubt), but my students.. they are my responsibility too. cuz i hv students going for black belt test this Sunday, so i need to be there to guide and teach them for the very last day.
I do not see my bro as "not so important", but, i hv to see and judge things rationally. though bro will only be back a few months later.
Anyway, pros and cons...
Pros.
- No one argue with me, fight with me.
- I get to use the bathroom longer.
- My lava wont erupt often.
- i dont need to spend my energy and saliva to wake him up.
Cons
- No one argue with me, fight with me.
- lonely.
- I'll miss him.
- scared tht we'll be like strangers when we meet after a few months.
- I'll worry about him.
- no one will watch movies with me anymore.
- no one chats with me during weekends.
- No one will be here to tolerate my attitude.
- No laugh
- No jokes
ok, i'm not regret for scolding him, cuz he deserves it that time, cuz he is really stupid and he really made me mad.
why he made such decision? cuz my mom says... Bro is different than me. They love my bro, of course they'll support whatever decision my bro made. According to my father's friend, who is a boss of a company, he said :"Food technolocy is good! U graduate as a food technologist! and you can go into many lines, QC,production, R&D, Sales..."
yup.. the boss is true. i told my bro the same thing.
My bro is the kind of timid guy. so, he needs time to accept things that he dont know. yup, he do not know about Food tech.. that's why he cant accept it at first.
Since he cant make decision, my parents made it for him. They encourage him to go, and say.. "u go try out one year, or even few months, if you really think that the course is not suitable for u, then you call us, after that, u go for medic.. it's still not late what? cuz local uni right, you wont hv anymore chance if you miss this, as for private, u still hv chance to enroll next year."
yup, my parents were right. Cuz my bro, he is really different. His attitude is totally different than me.
He wont tell anyone even if he feels pressured, stress.. or his unhappiness.so, i'm scared that he'll go CRACKO if he studies med.
My bro? he'll be a good doctor if he graduates as a doctor, just that, we are worrying about him going through the process of studying. cuz.... he may give up without telling us... and he is the type that cannot tk more pressure, cuz he is used to comfortable life. (like what he is living now)
another thing, my bro, he does not have any initiative to do something, it is very hard for him to make the first step. i dunno why the hell is so hard for him to take the first step... but he just cant. (that's why, when he found his true life partner, he will stick to her forever. if the girl who likes him is not his type, he wont terlekat to her too...)
so, Stupiak Girl.... dont worry about ur marriage ya!!haha!
In short, my parents dont want my bro to struggle so much... cuz they say, when we reach their age, all we want is a simple life...
yup... it make me think for a while.
me? I dont want to be ORdinaRY.
know what my daddy described me and my bro?
Bro-- a bird who is suppose to fly but he dont wanna fly.
Me-- A bird who is eager to fly when it doesnt even knows how to flip the wings.
haha!
yup, it's true.
that's why... my parents know my bro's character. They said, since my bro cant make any decision, they hv to make the decision for him..(just like the big boss said)
and my bro, he's ok with anything.
he doesnt hv a stand... till now.
THey scared, their love to him(supporting him doing medic) will jeopardize him. That's why, they hv to make decision for him this time.
but i hv intuition that he'll enjoy himself very much in University. My parents dont want him to study like me.
haha!
they said i'm different. cuz they are comparing my bro now with Me when i was his age, I hv the initiative to look for a job, i hv the initiative to read and learn about medications, i hv the initiative to find alternatives to study pharmacy.
My bro, he doesnt even care to find a job. He prefers staying at home sleeping. He dont really showed my parents his passion in studying med. and he dont even hv the initiative to do anything. including finding himself a job. (so, it's not my fault that he dont wanna work in pharmacy)
In short, my bro is very comfortable with his life, well, too comfortable i would say. yup, mum says, he's too scared to leave home, cuz he never leave home before. and he scares that if he goes UMT, he'll hv no companies...
See?
these are not a problem AT ALL to me. cuz i can easily make friends, it depends on me who i want to befriend with.
I told my mum that. and she says...:" yup, i know it's not a prob to you, but as for ur bro, he is not like you, i understand him cuz i am like him. I dont dare to tk the first step to talk to ppl too. dunno why but we're just like that..."
I just kept quiet....
and think from my bro's perspective. yup, he is like that. Remember i said that he is "glued" to me since small? and he wants to be "glued" to me forever.
but now, my parents are now creating a chance to let him soar, up to the sky.
and gladly, my bro accepted it. and i am happy for him. Not because he wont be with me, it's because i know that he'll grow and become more mature after this.
I know, he'll enjoy the programme in the Uni.
I am envious about him going to Uni. I got a chance to go, but i rejected it. It's simply because i know what i want. so, I wont get to experience the Local Uni activities forever in my life. and it's kinda sad.....
cuz...Uni life is supposed to be interesting....and you get to learn a lot from it.
but nothing can be done.
haha!
based on my studying situation now, i dont think i hv the time to join the activities too. My bro? his course is kinda simple? than Pharm definitely. i hope he'll enjoy himself there.
I'll miss him so damn much....
like i miss my BF...
I started to Miss him now... even though he is by my side.
I dunno... this kind of feeling.. it's like losing someone important in ur life. though he is not gone forever.It's totally different than missing DearDear... and HIM.
so...
i dunno...
I cant believe, my bro will be going off this saturday afternoon... sob sob, believe it or not, tears filled my eyes now when i think of it.
I need time to get used to his non-existence. Maybe I'm worry about him being there alone. cuz he is a careless guy. I think most guys with my bro's character are careless. but they are very caring....
Darn....it's flowing down.
tears i mean.
My little bro is learning how to fly. I would call my tears, The Tears OF Joy.
i know, my life will be different without his existence..
oh ya, i still dont feel regret for scolding him these few days.
that's why i love about him. He'll forget in a few hours and be normal again..... He knows my character and tolerate with me lor...
ANyway, they are leaving this Saturday and i wont be going. so, i'll only keep in touch with him through phone. so.....
i'll just treat it as if i'm in my Uni lo....haha! Cuz i dont really see my family except weekends.
haha....
When you're angry, you'll hope that he'll disappear forever...
but when it's time for him to go away, you'll hope that he'll stay. Human? haha...
Hey, we cant even hv mamak session together anymore during weekends....
it's ironic.
ok la...
wanna rest earlier, it's 2am now. hv to wake up early and go KL with bro. so.....
nitez..
el hermano, mi el-amor..
buenos noche...
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