u sure u wanna read this?

ok, my feelings recovered a little.

ppl do change, arent they? my memory froze.. at a moment, it jsut froze, sort of like having brain freeze after drinkin slurpee.

at least, now i know, my history is repeating, but this time, i think it'll 'look' better than the past.. just that i dunno whether i'll feel better onot...

u hv to understand. it's very hard to see someone u care and love to do this to u...

ok, i love the person, so whaT???? but now.. i think it doesnt mater anymore..

sometimes, i think, should i just forget bout our close relationship? or should i do what i did in the past? or should i just hide in the darkness? peeping? n give up at last?

i think it'll end like that most probably.
I've decided not to interfere, i'll only listen and share.. I dont wanna do this anymore.. as long as they're happy, that'll do.


ok, end 'o' my emo story.

just finished morning class.. well, not class actually, it was presentations from various groups, it's about death penalty. haiz.. was kind of like pondering, wondering, writing during the whole presentation.

one sentence attracts me the most :' there's time to say i love u, there's time to say i hate u, there's time to say yes, there's time to say no..."

good sentence..

I'm sick of being rejected anyway...

i dunno why am i so stupid, having the character i am having now. though Rae said I am who i am to hv the things i am having now. so, basically..i dunno whether it's a good thing, or not.

I guess, the only good thing is u'll get many friends, and u'll see through who;s good and who's bad.. the bad thing is.. yeah, frequent broken hearts...which i cant help it.
so, can someone tell me what they think about me????

i never asked this question before, know why? cuz i think it's not up to a person to judge another person as the judger itself is not a perfect person. so, i dont really judge ppl... cuz i aint perfect enough to judge.
anyway, i wish someone could tell me what they think and know about me?
i know it's kinda hard.. know why? i seldom talk about my things.
Like Rae said, i've never share.

am i slefish? no i dont... i dont share not because my listener is useless... not because they're dumb! it's because i dunno how....

I'm pathetic? yes, i guess. when i step out from my world and see myself as another person, i feel that i'm pathetic. cuz... i give the best to all the ppl around me... when i care for someone, i really care, when i love someone, i really love.. and all these.. i dont ask or expect or even hope for any returns.. cuz i believe, love is selflessness. but.... out of so many friends, how many really asked " hey, are u ok?' " hey, how are u today?" " hey, i've got something to share!! i wanna spread my happiness to u!!!" " hey, i'm down... can u be my rubbish bin? "
ok, i may sound like i have high hope on these, but honestly, i dont.
maybe i was trained to be a counsellor during my 2dary skul, so, all i hope and want is.. those around me, they'll find what they want and be happy in what they do.. as life is once in a lifetime. as long as they're happy, i'll be happy...

as i said in my previous blog.. i was taught to take other ppl's happiness and cherish it as my own.. i think i did it...
and that's the only source of my broken heart too..
when someone u love...... ok, stop it.
:-)
i love to love. i love to care. maybe i was being brought up by this way. i guess.
those who really know me, they'll find out about this character of mine...



something happened to Ray, my bro yesterday. well, i guess i'll hv to KIV(keep in view) about the Nokia 6500 which i die for it... why? i planned to buy Ray a new phone before mine...as his was stolen yesterday, in Mid Valley..
I've tried to comfort him.... at least his wallet still there...
well, the phone he wanted and loved---nokia 5700 express music. and it's limited in the market now.. and it costs about 900 something. so, i dunno whether the phone is still in the market onot by the time i can afford to buy him that phone.. i wanted to give him as his bday present actually, on 29 MAy. see? my nokia 6500... i wanted to buy it as my own bday present actually... but i think i hv to KIV..

cuz i think nothing is more important than giving my loved ones what they want than giving myself what i want. i try to satisfy them...and make them happy.
yeah, the phone he was using now was bought my muah also... haiz, long story why we use the same phone.. ha!


see! i always put others on priority... my DEADLIEST weakness! haha!!


well, hv to crack my head now to buy 2 phones at 1 time if possible... i wanted 6500 so badly.. but i tak sampai hati to see Ray in such depression.. haiz... If only i kena lottery.

for sure, i wont use my savings to buy la.. i hv my own reasons.. ha!

Well, i think Rae's going to start with vy soon... very very soon.. ha! happy! (sampat, why am i happy?) ha! yeah, as long as she's happy, i'll be happy to! (try not to cry to sleep..k?)
dunno why, i like to see ppl being happy everyday....
cuz i understand... sadness is un=bearable. that's why, i've been through a lot of waves of emotions, i dont want ppl to feel like i do.. to be sad like i do..(that was my past la).

Ray, and Rae..(good rhyme eh?) ha.. i just only realized both of my closed ones have the same rhyme when u say their names here..

ok, Ray and Rae..,
to my brother and to the stupiak girl...
Ray, i know u're sad.. but dont worry, i'll be always on ur side and help u through every difficulties u face.. hehe... i miss the time when we cover up for each other from destroying the staircase's tiles, got scolded together, and causing a hole on ur bedroom door.. I dont wanna say sorry to u le.. when i throw a scissors and it hurted ur forehead 10 years ago.. hehe.. I guess, we really grow. I dont even recall when we started to love each other so much. maybe because we are siblings... but i'm glad that most of our friends envy about our relationship, cuz we dont look like brother and sister. cuz the way we talk, we're like best friends.

STPM result coming out soon, i still remembered and keep the msg u sent me to lift my spirit up after i get my result..(though my result is not too bad..), i'm really touched when i read the msg actually and i dont really tell u that i'm touched. u love me very much, i know. and i just like to bully u and ask u to treat me lamb chop.. and stupidly, u really belanja me..

I still think of u whenever i am... yeah, but u, haiz... ur phone always got no credits.. so, sometimes i hv no choice but to call u and chat. well, though u're in my activ5, but i still being stingy with u...it's my fault... ha!!! who ask u to be stingy with me?( which is not true...ha!)
anyway, u know that i tak sampai hati to see u sad... that's why i am willing to buy u the phone u were using before ur new phone got stolen.
Dont worry, i'll crack my head and find ways to solve it.. all u need to do is.. go find a job, work, and forget about everytin.
I love u, Bro.


To rae,
thanks for the peppermint mask yesterday. i used the mask myself now as i told the person i didnt buy for her..bad huh? thanks. I dunno why u bought it, maybe because u feel guilty ar? of me buying the shoes?(hope ur mum didnt k u... cuz my mum did K me when i told her the mask was from u.. ha!)
Like i said in my previous blog.. i think u know how appreciative i am to know u... cuz without u, i wont be knowing all the ppl around me, like Fiona.
U're no longer in SF anymore.... so, no one can 'look see' Fiona for me d... hehe...

Thanks for everything..

be happy always, ya!
and keep the comment i left to u in ur mind...(muka tembok hor?) but i dont care...haha! cuz i know, i need to be muka tembok a bit to preserve everything...

Do the things that make u happy... i'm glad that the sincerity of u... is there..

i 'hate' u.. haha!!! for paying the bill for secret recipe and the mask! hahahaaha!!!



ok, it's a long post...

u may feel tired....

i am too...
i mean my fingers...


To Fiona,
Tk care.. i'm happy that ur financial prob has finally solved a little for last month.. I'm glad. but i still think that sometime, ppl should see things from other's point of view, cuz they may have the reasons why they see things as what they see. cuz in this world, ppl are simbiotic to each other. Without each other, we cant really survive.. as it's very suffocatin to survive alone in this world. right?

Things may not be the same anymore, u know that. but dont u worry.. i am always the same old Kuen. if u hv any prob, financially or emotionally, or u need any help. u can count on me. cuz i am really glad to know u.. and to have u as my friend.


so, i guess, that's all for today..

Me? i think i'll heal.. just gimme summore time... i need time and antidote..

as for the title:' u sure u wanna read this?" hehe... dont regret for reading.. cuz i think it takes a lot of time to read a long post...
so just click "close" if u dont wanna read. dont mind at all.

adieu.