can i smile now? i think i can.

ok.. i admit that i am busy these days.. well, so?

actually, i dont hv timew to blog yesterday.. but i hv it today,hehe...

I was quite TENSED UP yesterday. cuz.. haiz..i need to perform well in my quiz today so tht i wont fail my final! see! everything is interlinked! HATE IT!

Nyaris nyaris cried in the class yesterday.. but ha! can control!

thanks to Yan who gave me a lot of Daimokus.. I really feel calm when i woke up this morning. It's like, someone has injected something to ur heart so tht u're strong. I've never had this kind of feeling before.. full of confidence, no fear.. even u try to be scared, yeah, u're still calm and strong. wow.. Incredible!!

but at least, i've tried my best in my quiz just now.. just hope that i can pass... at least.

Firday will be another paper, i hour.. from 3.30 to 4.30pm. well, guess i can do quite well in this paper.. hehe. of course, i still hv to study for it!

Just read Rae's blog.. HELLO RAE!! what's all about the F word thingy???? rude le!
ok.. i admit i wrote it before.. but ... ethically, u still cant say tht word la..haha!!

Julene waS really upset... i dunno.. i received her msg suddenly.. i think that was after she read it. so... i guess.. well, i calm her down a bit.. i know it wont help, but at least i do something.. I dunno... just feel sad that she's being upset... i bet she'll feel that everything she did has just 'burnt' away like that.

I mean, things that ppl do, they sure have a reason rite? so, like i said, sometimes it's good to leave urself for a moment, step out and see ur situation from other perspective.

That's true..

I've met Ashlee... well, she was my senior, but she's major in Nutrition and food tech. I met her while having appontments with all the married aunties! it's kinda weired that.... ok, i just have a few concersation with her about wat i did, what i study... and she's like... she's willing to share her problem with me d.. WOW!!!!

When i step out from myself, i was thinking... HELLO!! do i really hv such power ? i mean she dont even know me... but ok, i am a friendly person la, i can talk whatever topic u talk, i can give whatever advise on ur problem... ok, i crap here. but Ashlee is a nice girl.. yeah, really nice.

(muka tembok) maybe she feels comfortable talking with me gua....... (i'm full of ????? now)

BAck to myself. MAny things happened to me... well, ok, those 'pi sai' thing i wont talk about..

Oh ya, i was quite tired for the past few days... Got my HPV injection on last sunday.. (sob.. still pain...) yeah, my arm still pain, it turns to muscle pain now...

I dunno what happened, i remembered when i injected the first dose, i slept for 10 hours the following day.. well, this dose.. it was the same.. i slept for 9 hours! and i dont feel like waking up... but no choice, gtg class. cant skip class because of own desire, rite?

well, 4 more weeks to final, i guess i hv to prepare well..

talk about finals.. i dont plan to go back to klang for 3 weeks.. so, i'll be only bck in klang on the 4th week of April...
the problem is.... I dunno how to tell Julene as she needs ppl to work on saturdays... and i feel guilty also.. cuz if i 'm not working.. either Huey Ling or Stupiak girl will ganti me.. and i dont want HER to ganti me!!!!!!!! SOS!!!

DAmn.. that's why i was pissed to see my timetable.... haiz... what to do??

well, i hv a plan here, maybe i should off for the whole april... ha! the last week, i'll go to SpoRE!!! hooray~!~ but dunno jadi onot..
well, i hv to a lil cruel... hahahahahahaha!!! EVIL me.
and i do hope that RAe will go with me... haiz... this one oso dunno jadi onot... haha!
but, i do imagine that i eat, walk, visit alone in Spore.... so PATHETIC!

I think i'm getting myself back.. as.. haiz... dont wanna mention about the problem anymore.. Flush it away as far as possible!!! I'm real shit!

SPM confirmed on 12 MArch? i dunno about it... cuz i totally forgot when was the last time i watch news and read newspaper... see! but i heard it's on that day.... sad, i'm sad.. why? i'm not in klang tht time... as i'll only be back on 15th march.!!! ARgh!!!!

My life... others are being envious on my life and i'm envy on other ppl's life. what? means i'm not satisfied with my condition now? no... not actually. Sometimes i just feel like getting out of this crazy life of mine. It's total bullshit. cuz i dont think anything is memorable when i look back in the future.

know what, my friend who did badly in her last quiz, she had a chat with me... yeah, i was kinda talking to her and make her feel that it's not the end of the world if u fail.. cuz she has lost confidence in one of the subjects... which is biostatistics.(stupid subject which created lies to ppl). ok, i am not good in this subj too.. i just want a "pass". so do she. i told her not to worry la..(if she worry, i lagi worry).. Study is a life long journey, have to be optimistic. so, at last..she told me.." kuen, u're so strong..." haha.. i was like .."what? ok....." yeah, it's true, i'm strong.... physically.. and half? mentally? i told her that i hv no choice but to be strong... cuz i dont want myself to collapse suddenly in my 2nd year..

see? different ppl has their own problem...

HAppy now! just received msg from BS!!! let me post it up.. hehe...

dear kuen:

hi hi .. sry for the late reply cuz i not yet subcribe line in my current on accomodation.so, have to travel to uni to online.. its been few weeks since i reach here, everything seem to besettle down so far. this is the second week my class commence, therefore, lot of works waiting me to do, but think of u all will always support me, i will work hard for my study and take good care of myself to make sure i am not fall sick. :-) here everything is quite different, now still summer, so, the weather is damn hot. my uni is extremely huge compare to the ''metropolitan''. i will even get lost sometimes. haha, my friends keep saying me blur, but i am not going to admit it..haha. prb is due to i still new here and everything seem to be strange for me, so get lost is quite normal. the main thing is after i get lost, can find a way back right. :-)

i do miss u all and my family. u are always the one who understand me the most. i m glad and proud to have such a frd like u. i try not to cry at night when i m alone n when the time i miss u all and my family, but the tears jus fall down without my control. but i think i still can handle it well, so dun wry much abou me. u must tc alot, do work hard alot, but pls try not to give so much pressure to urself k. i am always there for u to support u even not bsides u. :-)

i will try my best to upload my picture in friendster or facebook to let u c my cuty face ya.( miss the words) haha :-)

your cutiest, lovely frd: be shuan


I'm speechless...i've clicked 'reply' but i dunno what to write... haha! so i just leave it lo.. at last, got some reply from her.. hehe.

I cant wait to be back in klang... wanna eat Bah Kut teh now. cuz my friend was telling me that she loves klang bah kut teh, she loves steamboat in klang... bla bla bla... which i find pretty annoying as i was memorizing some facts. so.. hehe.. i just nodded and 'ar! oh! ee! er!" in the whole conversation..

sorry lo, COME on!! dont tell me u're interested to talk when the exam u're going to have is a determinant of a "pass" or "fail"!! k!!! if u are, sorry, i am not. ha!

will be having the last lab later... haiz.. busy.. wish i could just graduate and get the certificate and work and do what i want and what i aim for.

I hv a lot of things to do after studies!! i wanna achieve many many things in life!! i wanna breakthrough myself!!! ha!
cant wait actually...

like KAvitha said:' u need to hv basic knowledge to work, if not, how're u going to work as a dedicated pharmacist??"

yeah, 'so called' 'dedicated' pharmacist. Most of them are only "dedicated" when they're studying.. but when comes to real situation and u're desperate, see how dedicated can u be!!

Like Julene told me before... " kuen, who knows maybe one day u'll backstab me hor?(jokingly)".. ha!!! yeap... I dunno... cuz i may change... someday. but definitely not now.