Depressed…

 

I've been thinking a lot today. Till the extend tht I teared. But not till the extend of getting collapse.

I think it's time for all of us to let him go.

Yeah, Ah Song. My dearest cousin brother,whom I treated like my own brother.

 

Of all the things he had done, he had not gain trust from us.. and I dun think tht he can be able to convince us..

Deep in us, we still love him.

I talked to him this morning, and it made me wonder the whole day, till now. My mum and dad has been having family meeting every night.. till 1something am..

We were discussing the best way to let him live, and guide him to the right way.

I am really sad and depress…. Somehow it links back to my role, as the eldest sister in the family. I feel like a failure… tht I've failed in all things. But on the other hand, we've done our best to provide him and teach him.

Somehow, we are from different family background.

 

No words can describe how down I am. I dun feel like doing anything.. studying turned out to be sleeping.. and trying to calm myself down.

KTV at home means nothing.. ended up DArLeng singing alone. I have no mood at all.

A state of depression….. anyway, I still wanna give hima chance over here. I knw tht life in JB will not be as good as we are here…

I trusted him…. And he betrayed all of us.

I loved him… and he thought we hated him.. and I think tht he hated us.

 

Argh… the feeling….. I really dun wanna care…..

If everything goes fine, he will be transferred to JB, my aunt's house by this weekend. And.. I cant seem to let him go.. it's like DarLeng first went to KT for studies, I escaped it.. and did not even send him.. cuz I knw I'll cry.

My eyes teared when I think of Song leaving to JB… I feel sad.

 

Deep in all of us, my family members.. knw tht we've done our best to educate him.. and he doesn't really appreciate and did not think as an individual. I feel sorry for him at the same time.

 

Wanted to find someone to talk.. but it's not the right time…. So the best way is.. to be depress and think myself.. and to reflect what I've done all these while.

 

Argh… let God decide what's best for him. God, please guide him through all the obstacles……

It's not up to me to decide.

 

I don't feel like doing anything now…….. hanging a smile on my face when I'm feeling sad is something hard for me. Anyway, I'll get over it. J for sure.