Contented day, with controversies in me.

MY darl sis is coming next friday!! yay!! I cant wait to meet her!!!! I miss her since.... last month? LOL!

I've met Kiat Kiat and FIFI plus my Prince, KEnji!!!! Gosh.... i love this outing!! haha!! anyway, i had a great time with them!!! :-) Kenji is sooooooo cute!!! and he has grown a lot!!! :-) he calls me JIE JIE wei!!!! hahahahahah!!!

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I wanna confess...
Life is totally different since DAre to Move CAmp. I may not show it, but i feel it. It is really really different. I've started to have my Quiet Time, for me to feel and reflect now. Yeah, the only place i would do that is in my toilet.LOL.
tht's why, praying is something tht i'll do everyday now.

Like i've mentioned in my post before, I feel different. I am not bothered by anything tht anyone said about me. I knw i'm on the right path, and.... God always know where i'm supposed to be and where i suppose to end.

Funny eh...

I cannot comply yet. My family, my traditional virtuals, my family's lifestyle... I hope God will forgive me on this. I really asked for His mercy, everyday......

The feeling of satisfaction and FULLness is still strong in my heart. I am satisfied of what i get everyday. Unconditional love from my family, I love unconditionally to all around me.. my friends, my family... (learning hard).

It is true tht it is hard, and it starts at home.
I reckon tht some may not accept the change in me, it's because they refuse to accept.
I reckon tht some may not accept the choice i've made, because they refuse to accept.
I reckon tht some totally feel uneasy of my transformation, it's because they refuse to accept.

Sometimes, the VErse Joshua 1:9 keep ringing in my head. yeah, tht was the Theme for DareToMove camp. (check out if u dunno, If you dun want, means you are ignorant)
BEsides this verse, other verses too.

I'm receiving lots of signs lately, from my phone, my facebook, my daily life, and during my quiet time.
I should be thankful tht my questions are being answered.

I dun care how am i being treated, or how am i being pushed away, or how am i being ignored, or how am i being condemned... as long as my prayers for all of them are answered.
not to deny tht i've been called if i'm needed, i'm being pushed away if i'm not needed. Yeah, it clearly shows and i clearly feel tht most of the time.

After all,
My thinking has changed.

Grace KnTan always said tht i have a positive thinking and she always highlight the difference between me and her.. and tht makes her envious of me. Well, there's nothing to be envious of.

If you believe tht u can do it, believe in the positive energy.. then work towards it. Dare to Move, do not fear as you are not alone.
tht's how i get my courage.
:-)


Surprisingly, i am not sad of being a punching bag, or pushing balloon. I knw, when i'm needed, i'm really needed.

and partly.. tht's the reason why i never turn anyone down. I try not to.. cuz i dun wanna regret and feel guilty.

I used to wonder and ask questions about my existence, yeah, especially when you're being pushed away and rejected.. i used to feel heartbroken, sad.. useless.. not important, and as if i don't exist at all. Lots of time i'm thinking of pulling myself out from all the situation, and give up on things tht doesn belong to me at the very moment.. but now, i dun feel tht anymore.

For I have found a more meaningful reason to live on.. Move on.

I was searching for signs... and i think I'm getting it every now and then.
Like i said, i feel sorry tht i couldnt comply due to all the reasons...

Chean is the one i envy. Her courage is brilliant.
I think i'm far behind if compare to her.

:-)

well, I'm really learning to be a true human being, filled physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I dun wanna categorize myself as spiritual, but non-religious. haha!! I am now learning... learning to accept who i'm supposed to be.:-) under God's grace and God's mercy.

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Julene. There are words i wanna tell her but i couldnt. I confessed to her tht i really have to be extra careful when i'm working on Sundays, and the days tht i work with Ju is the best day in my week. Not to say any party is not good enough...
but...

I really feel touched when she aske me :" do you need extra ppl on Sunday? i can give you. I understand your situation Kuen, I knw it's a burden to you...."

Me :" Ju, thanks.. but nvm, I'm trying to cut your cost, as the busy-ness is only on certain Sundays.. i can cope."

Julene:" yeah, i knw... by the way, there are some customers saying tht it's a bit slow on Sunday.. cannot find medication.... but i think it's not ur fault tht day, cuz customers said someone cannot locate the Theophyline, it shouldnt be you i guess."

Me: " haha.... :-) Sometimes, when i'm busy, i really dun hv time to check all other transactions"

Ju: " yeah.. i understand. *smiled*"

yeah, i check every transaction if possible... this is my responsibility. I am being trusted and honoured the key of the shop, which no one has it before, and it is my responsibility to make sure tht everything is fine.
I try to create my set of customers on Sunday, and it seems harder that i thought. Julene is really a great lady, and it needs lots of hardwork to keep customers coming to your pharmacy.
She is great.
i knw it, because i'm trying hard too.

Sometimes i lose faith in myself. Sometimes, It's really a burden.. but i try to challenge my capability, and my strength.
I took it as a challenge and a path tht i'm supposed to walk in order to build what i'm supposed to be in the future.

There are things tht happened, and you dun need to say it to prove yourself. Others have eyes, they can see.

I'm glad .. in a way. I'm un-glad in a way too.
In a way, i feel tht i've failed. :-(

My goal now is to achieve ZERO COMPLAINTS.
It's a new challenge to me.. and it's always been my challenge.

Stand by me, Walk with me, have faith in me...

Every SUnday, it's a challenge to me. I feel different every Sunday, cuz... it's different. haha!! i dun really knw how to explain, but.. Sunday is a great challenge.

Julene, thanks for seeing it. I will improve. I will be a better person. My foundation is from you, and i will not let you down. Again, as a boss, you are a good one,cuz u gain loyalties.

Fyuuh.. felt relief...after blurting out.

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DArls, i cant wait to meet you guys 2mr!!!!!
Sis, 2mr!! i miss you lots!!!
I'm un-happy now... but will cheer up.:-kssu)

"Hubbie", tk care... weather sucks... rest more. I will be by your side no matter what happens.
do rmber tht my ears are always there to listen to you. Dun feel tht talking to me is a burden... it's my pleasure actually. :-)
I hope ur relationship with him get better each day. I pray the best for you.

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I think i'll be having diarrhea.. thanks to the lala jian... aiks.

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DeEr, all the best in your paper 2mr. :-) you can do it! :-)

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P.S: how's your day? i bet you are tired... enjoy ur clerkship!! :-)