a quick one

Can't wait for the weekend to come.

Everyone has been asking me how is my new place.

err... its not new anymore, 7 months jor. and i am enjoying every second of it.

Actually i have choice to either be:
1) sien, do the same thing everyday, i wanna leave!
2) oh! i feel so satisfied having to dispense personally with quality time for the patients!

Actually, i feel contented and satisfied here. God knows i dont like to be controlled. and He let me take control.

ahh,.


Dealing with stock, people, and etc etc. these are the geez of the job. I might just leave Tawau for studies, and come back here and settle down. who knows. right?


Living with God daily, the love is everlasting, never ending. Too bad, my dad will not understand it. Oh well, this is not the first time, but ... yeah, I will continue to pray for dad!


End of this week, shereen will be coming. have to entertain the high demand creature.. lol. Next weekend, going off to island.


contented?

I better start and save money now for my studies. =)


A day with contentment. Actually, everyday is contented to me. I dispense, i meet quota everyday, sauna everyday..... and read everyday.

Kinda sink in my own world here. hahaha.


ok, time to sign off. I have things to do, and i will upload my testimony in Philippines once its completed. =)


I miss my bed.... piggie, and mummy. hahah.

Lost and Found

A lot of things happened for the past few months.

A few months ago, i was learning how to let go,
A few months later, I have already let go and now i'm living a contented life, with my own goals, and own capability.

Life is so different now back then.

I thank Yen Mii for pulling me out from this valley of death, and i thank God for answering my prayers.

I thank Mel for the listening ears, and really sorry for the middle person position, and my  boss TMC for assuring "You have us".

All these have ended in the last chapter.

My new phase of life officially started after my Philippine's mission trip. I have learnt a lot about other culture, their needs, and their longings.
Its so good to just work for God and only God. to breath and to live for Him every single day. The more you use the anointing, the greater it becomes.

I guess good things has to come to an end, with my current housemate's future departure, I'm a bit tak sampai hati, but honestly, i feel happy that she finally got her direction, at least she knows what she doesnt want.  What she wants is it what God wants?
She needs to move in order to find out.

Everyone is moving on, TMC soon to be off Tawau, Mel moved on spiritually,'m proud of her. me.. I moved on emotionally, and spiritually. I guess i have different aims now.

Kinda remembered what pastor told me "We must have kingdom mindset wherever we are. Stay put, and transform. regardless workplace, or house, or church. Stay put so that you can work in the place, and establish a kingdom of God wherever you are."

Very clearly my path and my house mate's path are different. It got more distinct when i came back.

God has a wonderful plan for everyone. I'm just glad that God is slowly revealing plans for me, and for my housemate as well.

You know, the feeling of leting go is so relieving. When you dont need to be worried, you dont care so much, but u care just enough for you and others, and moving on to what God wants you to do. This feeling is awesome. I finally understand what Yen Mii told me about her impression when she prayed for me and walked me through all these.

I learnt a lot in Philippines, God opened up my eyes on a lot of things, I have been focusing on things that are so tiny to Him, and i neglected His greater plans for me.

 just hope that my housemate's plans really is His plans instead of her own thoughts.  While as for me, its time for God's work. Time to bless people with my gift and anointing.

Finally, my heart is in peace. I know God teach people lessons, and He had clearly taught me a lesson of life, and i beleive... what HC is going through is a lesson that she has to learn herself.
I finally understand why everyone told me that this is something that she needs to learn and get over it herself, she needs to learn how to handle it. As someone that has already done what i could, i can only pray for her.

Mel said she saw her past shadow on HC, we asked each other to pray for HC.. daily.
Prayer works, it just takes time to be answered. =)

God gave me a revelation. He is so good that He challenge me with my greatest fear.. which is to care and love again. I'm not gonna disobey, I'm doing and building it on my baby steps.

God is the greatest... of all.



and Kuen is back.

morning

CNY was awesome..


YEs, nothing beats quality time with family and freidns.

I'm back! to TAwau!



Ok, life in Tawau after CNY a bit different. I started life here with Zumba class, church meetings, CG, and etc...

so, basically, life is contented daily, besides getting pissed by patients, i still think they are cute!


I think prayers are strong. True enough, from all the disasters that has happened, things getting better.
I'm caught up with my own life, doing things a lone, and doing this that i like. and.... God is doing great things in my life and i have faith that Tawau will change! His kingdom in Tawau will change!

Anyway, I'll be busy during weekends for this coming 2 weeks. courses...courses!


one sad news, one of my staff leaving also. she had took the transfer letter. well... people come and go. soon to be my turn too. depends on what is god's will in me. =)

Prayer meeting tonight! then rush to another CG. I'm in the transition process, that's why things will be a bit busy for me. haha.


Just wanna write something and give thank to God for all the things that he blessed me with, and the love and grace... ^^



embracing Isaiah 40:31

Wednesday ^^

Good morning to all.

CNY is around the corner, well.... no atmosphere.
Firstly, i havent bought anything for myself.
Secondly, it feels the same.I just cant wait to go back only.


How am i feeling these days? good, never been better. I cant wait to go back to my family. How is my life here?
good. Work place is the place i can be myself.
haha.

Mati Karan has become one of the significant trait in Tawau. Well, electricity cut is just a normal thing here, and thank God for autosave!

I was doing some WORD docs before Mati Karan. gosh... i was like "SHIT"!

like i said, thank god for autosave. =)

Yesterday i made myself an awesome dinner. haha. cooked rice with KangKung. (cheap bah... HELL NO!)

and made grilled Tuna.woohoo.
Marinated with Sesame oil, soy sauce, and minced garlic. the taste is just perfect!

Why am i still closing up?

sigh... i don't know.




I'm only comfortable with certain people now.

I think i have split introvercy-extrovercy personality. Now, i just wanna stay home for as long as i can.
at time, i wanna go out.
at time, i wanna spend lone time.


This morning, colleague's mum made fried rice for me. I feel so privileged. Its not my mom but its HOME COOKED FOOD!

T_T

so nice.....

I really miss my mum at times like this, no matter how good and how tasty my food is, it still cannot beat mum's cooking. ^^\

Bro is planning on a roadtrip this coming cny. maybe Penang-ipoh. hahah. I think it will not jadi but i still HOPE they will consider!


I finally found my destiny here, and found my purpose. To educate the patients here medically. I think kampung needs people to educate them, and they need to be more health conscious. my effort alone is not enough, but i will give my best for everyone that i dispense to.
I wanna give quality in my dispensing.

This is the thing i wanna achjieve here, since i am placed in Sabah, i wanna give my best to the people here. It might take up to 10 years to create this awareness, but i wont give up, i will fulfill my duty as a pharmacist here. =)


Its lunch time, its time to spend some lone time. ^^

God, i wanna give thanks to you for everything that has happened. Especially in giving me enlightenment in my job, my relationship, and my life.
I dont know what will i being lead to down the road, but i'm gonna trust you. because, it gives no harm in doing what i'm doing now. =)

Thank you lord for your Love.

and i will learn to forgive.

short update

It was a fruitful weekend spent. with a heavy slap of Revelation from Pastor Phillip Lyn.

" If you don't forgive, You are not forgiven"

I am hurt because promise not kept, and rejections.

ahh.. I'm learning how to accept myself again, and learning how to love and forgive. Baby steps.... I want to forgive!!! I want to be normal again.

Last weekend was a fruitful one! I met up with new friends, Soo ching, Soo Ting,  Melissa, and my girls, Steph, Grace, Sher.

New people gives me new happy kinda feeling.

Met up with ITS, Charissa. AWESOME DAY OUT!

and its all randomness.
I guess the best thing ever is to spend time with Sher... and meet up old friends. ^^ and not forgetting, my Sarania! oh.. this girl is very special... I miss her so damn much!

See? by stepping out, i realize that my world is so big. this is not big, but considered big. At least bigger than tawau. ^^

I really feel lucky to be placed in TAwau, and to be able to visit my dearest friends there in KK. but Living in KK has high standards , entertainment, and more stuff to do.

I think the best part besides spending time with my girls, i met James Gen Yuan. The most normal conversation that i have ever had with him. He is always a good brother in Christ. and.. we met in church! hahaha!

Overall, my trip was a good one, and i really embrace relationship and old friends. =)

just a short update because today is a busy day. =)

thankful

*yawns*

I'm very much a sleepy head now.I had a fruitful event yesterday.  I think i have found the suitable CG for me.

^^

I guess this is like a blessing in disguise after all that have happened to me and my house. lol.

Retreats and trips... soon to come!

I woke up late today, thanks to yesterday. lol. Besides CG, i have a great time hunting cockroaches in Amanda's Place. i was home after CG and she called me...... to save the day. gosh.

Anyway, she is such a darling.... hahah. and i am known as the pest control of her room. OMG.

Had a busy day yesterday, worked till 5pm sharp. First time.

I'm amazed by the kangkung issue which has been popped up by the Prime Minister. A bit redundant because of all veggies, he chose Kangkung! (Water SPinach). haha. Anyway, it was a good laugh and Malaysia has become the laughing stock in the international arena.

I was examining myself yesterday, I guess God is removing this part of flesh of mine (hc) away so that i can do greater things for Him. He knows this attachment is unhealthy... thats why. Well, If i were to re-live the past one year, i could have set the boundaries well, not too attached.
Just like now. I'm pretty much comfortable with myself, doing the things that i like without restrictions. pretty much liking it.

Yeah, honestly... the idea of the jerk is together with sister is still a very yucky thing to me, knowing of what he had done. *vomit*

Dont care la...Maybe if it doesnt work, she needs to learn it through the hard way, If it works, then good la. I'm not her mother to breastfeed her. LOL. *what the heck*
nah, i still care, but i dont wanna show it d. pretty much ignorance but not ignorance. more to caring in my own way.


ok, dont wanna talk about it d. Sakit Hati, tawar Hati. and now, my hati berbunga-bunga to meet my dearest this weekend! hahahah.
Actually, I'm glad i made the trip to meet sher last month, and I'm glad i made trips after that, regardless alone or with friends. I just feel blessed. ^^
Sort of found myself after that. and.. thanks to YM who knows i'm building walls, and feed me with God's words from another perspective. =) Praise The Lord.

This year, I wanna walk closely with God, with a bunch of new brothers and sisters in Christ. I think God wants to expand my network last year and this year He sent me to a new community, and more to come.
I am excited for God!

This weekend, I'll be attending Skyline SIB. mmm...This time, If i meet Jessie Foo, I will talk to her! hahaha. ^^

Thursday... and this weekend will be a fruitful one. Same goes to next weekend also! =)


When can i watch MAndela..... T_T tonight? maybe?
haha...


Good day to all of u!
and thank God today's number of patients still ok. ^^ not too much, not too little.  Yesterday was a bit more than usual. but i like the busy-ness.
Mmm.... no cravings tonight, maybe steamed chicken, with wolfberry! and soup. =)


God, thank you for everything! for all the heartbreaks, all the downs, and the ups. without it, i wont know that You are always and ALWAYS at work in our lives.

mere updates on 8-9 jan =)

So, i did something nasty this morning. when i think back.. urgh.. why did i say so!?

anyway, no regrets ha. haha.


ya, i got a bit irritated this morning, maybe because of lack of sleep? and... the quality of the conversation|?

anyway, drop the issue. I blame myself because i'm building serious wall.
ha.

last night was a blessing! i met up fellow colleagues for dinner, then went for CG.. gosh, i think this CG is somewhat similar to Connexions! and at least we talk about SCRIPTURES!
ok, first impression---> checked and passed!


Then, i was in Taste 2 for supper with the usual kaki. We chatted and chatted like there's no tmr! lol. AWESOME!
ok, i now certify myself as a person who needs social boost to live my days!

Well, there are days also that i feel like staying at home, doing nothing....
and currently i feel so. ^^

I feel like sleeping. thanks to the late sleeping.


I have internal struggles. Currently, i guess the percentage of letting go is reaching 70%. Yea, i dont know if this is the right way, but... I'm comfortable. at the same time, i'm struggling in between God's words too.
God says love, I am rebelling.

Love God and love others is a challenge to me. ITS SO FREAKING HARD!

T_T


No one could understand me, and behind the smiles are walls, thick walls. except to.... Ms Mel. haha. I feel that i need someone to vent out in TAwau besides Sher. Sher is always my best venting machine. Really thank God she didnt give up on me.

I was just telling myself. "har.. my life used to be restricted due to extreme love and tolerance, and i feel that my whole world is just at home and my dearest sister. Now, after all the war and all that shit that has happened, thanks to always finding out that the jerk is a jerk, i finally let go gradually,and ...my world widens! and when i look back, i kinda feel sorry for myself for missing out so many fun, bonds, and relationships. well, I am slowly finding my world back and becoming who i am forced to be and supposed to be, all thanks to that JERK? haha... so, when will be the time when the jerk feels that the world has gotten away and he has nothing but her? when the time comes, he will feel that his whole world is only her, and the rest just gone... and will he experience what i experience now a few years down the road when someone else step into her life? "

when i reach the last part... i wish him torn and broken. lol. i know its bad to have vengeance, but i think.. if that day really comes, i will actually sympathized him and happily tell myself  "been there done that, and i'm glad i'm out of it!"

now, still in the process lar.... I want to be normal again , so badly, but my conscience just doesnt allow. Somehow i will have a "limit wall" which automatically shut down when it has enough dose of conversations, enough dose of everything about it.
that is why i am struggling very very hard between reality, and God's words.

I still feel a bit burdened, not as much as few months ago. I can say that i am doing well with this NO STRINGS ATTACHED theory.

I feel so free, i can do anything i want, and i dislike people take my time for granted. I dont like people to assume that i am free and they can just do whatever they want and just slot me in.

"A promise kept is respect earned"

Sorry... respect has been ruined... in this case.


Happy to say that i'm occupied. I cook whatever i want, go wherever i want. Ask me in advance if u wanna date me, I'm not so up to last minute SLOT IN plan anymore.

PS: I AM NOT A FLOAT or SECOND HAND ok.



Whats the purpose of this year? it was asked during CG discussion.

mine is "to love God and love others" . This is my biggest challenge and i have decided to start slow, one step at a time.


^^

Lord, give me the shield of truth, and the armor to face whatever i am facing. Help me to love You and others more. I pray that Lord will close the door of anger and irritation in me as well... and give me the strength to hold it closed when Satan attacks! In JEsus name i SHALL NOT BE DECEIVED!!!

AMEN!